Struggling

I am finding it hard being back home.  I have been weepy and agitated since we got back. I suspect part of it is jet lag but I think the main reason is that I am back in reality.  My son-in-law and Beth are planning their wedding for February so I am hearing about wedding plans.  They are doing kitchen renovations - ones that Lisa and Harvey dreamed about.  I feel very resentful at times.  I told Beth that I would not recognize the house when I am there.  She assured me that I would but it is just hard.  The wedding is going to be in Calgary so there is no excuse to miss it.  I did promise Cevyn (our granddaughter) that I would go. I also promised Cevyn that I would go there for Christmas - at least I will be able to visit Lisa in her final resting place and place a candle at her grave.
Lisa:  I miss you so much it hurts.  I love you forever.  Mum