so sad

I thought I was doing better.  Not today, or the last few days for that matter.  I have been crying almost non stop.  Joe said he is starting to get worried.  So many emotions.
We visited Niagara Falls - it was quite magnificent with the ice formations.  It brought back memories of the time we took Lisa and Andrew there.  Lisa loved it - and was so pleased when she found a $5 bill on the walkway.  I seemed like everything brought back memories;
- visiting my friend Barbara; we had a great time looking for bargains at garage sales
- having dinner at Boston Pizza; Lisa and I usually took Cevyn there on our shopping trips because she loves the pizza bread with pizza sauce
- driving through Smiths Falls; Lisa worked there for a few years.  I would take Cevyn there at noon to have lunch with her mummy 
- passing Cevyn's elementary school and seeing the tree that was planted in Lisa's memory
- bringing Cevyn back home; Lisa would have been excited to hear about her adventure and see what she bought.
I hate the word memory now because that is all I have of my daughter is memories. I am so grateful for Cevyn but I am feeling really sorry for myself right now. 
I think that losing Kelsey has made me more emotional - she was only a year older than Cevyn.  She had such a short, sad life. 
 
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