Today has not been a good day.  I have been crying for most of it.  When I try to go to bed, I start to cry.
Perhaps it is because it's almost a year since Lisa left and another Christmas without her is not far away.  I so want to call her and hear her voice.  We spoke on the phone almost daily, sometimes more often. For some reason, today I am especially lonely.  My husband tries to help and I have friends who are very supportive but they are not Lisa.  We don't discuss the same things and I just don't have the bond that I had with her.  She really was my best friend.  I can call my son but he is not a chatty sort.  He is a wonderful listener but it isn't the same and I know that he is hurting too.  It isn't helping that his old dog is dying too. 
My third parents bereavement group is tomorrow evening.  I don't really look forward to it but I will go, just in case something changes.  I used to teach death and bereavement so I know the theory -  the 'education' part of is is not really new to me.  I am glad for the others as it seems to be resonating for them.  Knowing the theory and experiencing this horror are entirely different things.
I know that grieving is a roller coaster but I want off already.