Today has not been a good day. I have been crying for most of it. When I try to go to bed, I start to cry.
Perhaps it is because it's almost a year since Lisa left and another Christmas without her is not far away. I so want to call her and hear her voice. We spoke on the phone almost daily, sometimes more often. For some reason, today I am especially lonely. My husband tries to help and I have friends who are very supportive but they are not Lisa. We don't discuss the same things and I just don't have the bond that I had with her. She really was my best friend. I can call my son but he is not a chatty sort. He is a wonderful listener but it isn't the same and I know that he is hurting too. It isn't helping that his old dog is dying too.
My third parents bereavement group is tomorrow evening. I don't really look forward to it but I will go, just in case something changes. I used to teach death and bereavement so I know the theory - the 'education' part of is is not really new to me. I am glad for the others as it seems to be resonating for them. Knowing the theory and experiencing this horror are entirely different things.
I know that grieving is a roller coaster but I want off already.
Perhaps it is because it's almost a year since Lisa left and another Christmas without her is not far away. I so want to call her and hear her voice. We spoke on the phone almost daily, sometimes more often. For some reason, today I am especially lonely. My husband tries to help and I have friends who are very supportive but they are not Lisa. We don't discuss the same things and I just don't have the bond that I had with her. She really was my best friend. I can call my son but he is not a chatty sort. He is a wonderful listener but it isn't the same and I know that he is hurting too. It isn't helping that his old dog is dying too.
My third parents bereavement group is tomorrow evening. I don't really look forward to it but I will go, just in case something changes. I used to teach death and bereavement so I know the theory - the 'education' part of is is not really new to me. I am glad for the others as it seems to be resonating for them. Knowing the theory and experiencing this horror are entirely different things.
I know that grieving is a roller coaster but I want off already.
Replies
knowing things in your head, and feeling them in our heart are not the same thing...
Have you also been seeing someone? Is it possible you are also depressed and maybe need medicaiton? I only suggest it because I have and am on meds.. no it does not make MaryLou a dull or unfeeling girl, but it enables me to function...
Hugs to you...
MaryLou
Dear Marlene, I know your pain and I think this horrible journey has many low, low points especially hard as Lisa\'s Angel Date is close and as you said Christmas as well. You will get through it, I promise, but it won\'t be easy. Ed\'s Angel date & then his birthday were in September and for me it helped me to have a plan. We had sketched out what we would do to honor Eddie and the days passed without too much trauma. For me, I think the holIdays may always be difficult since we now have an empty spot at the table. While I am grateful for what I do have, nothing and no one will ever fill the hole in my heart. I do think as Mary Lou suggested that medication may help you over the most difficult times. I was taking Ativan and Zoloft. I no longer take Ativan, but still take a low dosage of Zoloft and it does help me to function and do the grief work that I need to do. I hope the group you attend will make a difference for you. I wish you peace in the days ahead and much love and understanding. I will have you and Lisa in my thoughts. Tight hugs, Linda .
Yeah...things look good in print and then apply it to real life it sometimes it does not translate. Hopefully there will be something that does resonate with you...so going is probably a good idea. I hope that you feel a bit a peace this holiday...love to you...Karen
Each day is difficult but the holidays even more so and we miss them so badly. I\'m so sorry for your sadness. I pray one day you can find reasons to celebrate the season and I know in time it will happen. I\'m glad you continue to go to the counseling. It can never hurt and like you said...maybe something will resonate and be different. Share your feelings and open the lines of communication to the group and see what happens. Much love. Robin
I could have written your first paragraph, My daughter gone is the hardest, she was also my best friend, we talked everyday, oh so much the same, my tears run for you. one day at a time, remember to breathe, love and hugs, Nora