Up and Down

I feel as though I live on a trampoline. One day up and the next day down. I'm ok when I'm around people, but alone I just fall apart. I have tears in eyes and I think I miss Burt, then I remember why he's gone and try not to think about it. I still love him and forgive him for what he is (alcoholic), but have a hard time forgiving him for leaving me here alone. My feelings are so mixed up at times that I wish all was a bad dream and I'll wake soon to a wonderful life with someone to love me for the rest of my life. I don't like the idea of be alone and getting older. I know, I'm only 52 but age and time go hand and hand. I wanted to be with Burt forever. I don't trust anyone or their motives. I don't mind talking on the phone its a safe way to make friends. I'm so worried. I don't think this can be real sometimes. I didn't want my life to be like this, its not how I imagined it. I wish I had more faith and trust in God therefore more trust in man, MAYBE!  SJH