2016

Hi its been a long time. I guess i am not sure where i am in life now. I dont want to die i have no desire to do that. i did one stupid thing to see if it would help with what im going through and that just isnt a part of my life anymore. Basically the new thing is that i am married to my husband and have two wonderful girls. my husband is searching for love in other places and i care but i dont. I just happen to know where its going to end up and it hurts. his family doesnt really care for me but they dont want to damage any chances with my kids which they wouldnt do at all. i just am the bottom of the bottom and i know that. i guess im just numb. i really dont have anyone to rely on. but i do have myself that has been my constant. i know in the end at least i will always have me. it may be a hard existaence but i am my own constant. im not week im not strong im just me.