General update

I am engaged to be married this summer, I have been with my boyfriend for 5 yrs now. I love him but am not "in love", not the way I was with my ex husband. Tears still well up unless I block out my past.
I know I will never be "in love" again. I have been a very happy person for all of my life except for my divorce, I just can't get that "happy" feeling again, there are moments when I laugh, which is great progress, but a lot of times I am forcing it or faking it in front of people. I have no idea why I even got back on here today after being gone for at least two years. Just venting...