The other day I was sitting on the couch watching nature outside the french doors. I guess I was day dreaming, then all of a sudden a dark wave came over me, my son is gone forever.... I don't understand where that came from it popped up and into my head. I felt horrible all over again , is my mind playing tricks on me or being very mean. I was so depressed the rest of the day. I do not know how to deal with the mysteries of the mind. It was like I was being put in my place back into the dark. My heart cannot take it just trying to get through to my next step down the grief stricken path.
My granddaughters came over and I also kept my grandson they kept me busy. Running after a busy 2 yr old is good for this soul. The twins kept finding bugs and Mikie would laugh at the catapillars crawling all over and the twins putting them on the screen for him to hit and watch them fly off onto the ground. Boy was I glad when the 3 of them fell asleep.
Well Mike if you could see your son I know you would laugh yourself to tears watching him make your dad pull him in the wagon and walk with him outside just inspecting the yard. Doing all the things he used to do with you when you were that age. Next he will teach him to be a big flurt but I think it comes out just because he is cute and adorable and girls like that. That reminds me of you at that age and older...... Mom
My granddaughters came over and I also kept my grandson they kept me busy. Running after a busy 2 yr old is good for this soul. The twins kept finding bugs and Mikie would laugh at the catapillars crawling all over and the twins putting them on the screen for him to hit and watch them fly off onto the ground. Boy was I glad when the 3 of them fell asleep.
Well Mike if you could see your son I know you would laugh yourself to tears watching him make your dad pull him in the wagon and walk with him outside just inspecting the yard. Doing all the things he used to do with you when you were that age. Next he will teach him to be a big flurt but I think it comes out just because he is cute and adorable and girls like that. That reminds me of you at that age and older...... Mom
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Oh those memories...we welcome the good ones...but the bad ones blindside us. I am sorry that it hit you so hard. I think that we are dealing with the tragedy all the time, but when we are busy we can\'t \"see\" our pain. When we have quiet time...it all rushes back. I know that my grandchildren distract me as well...thank heavens for their sweet innocence. Take care of you...love and hugs...Karen
MEMORIES I STILL CAN,T LAUGH AT MEMORIES OF MY DAUGHTER. SHE HAS BEEN GONE 8 YRS. NO GRANDKIDS. BUT TODAY I WENT TO WALMART AND WALKED DOWN THE ISLE WHERE ALL THE EASTER BASKETS AND EGG DYING KITS AND I COULD JUST PICTURE IN MY HEAD HOW WHEN SHE WAS A LITTLE GIRL WE WOULD DYE THE EASTER EGGS TOGETHER AND I WOULD HIDE THEM FOR HER TO LOOK FOR THEM ON EASTER SUNDAY. I CRYED ALL THE WAY HOME AND FELT EXHAUSED. GRIVE IS A LIFE LONG PROCESS . I,AM SORRY YOU HAD A BAD DAY THEY COME AND GO. BUT THOSE LITTLE GRAND KIDS ARE GREAT TO SPEND THE DAY WITH ESPECIALLY YOUR SONS SON. HUGS ZZZ
I understand fully what you are describing... one moment there may be some peace and then the waves of grief coming washing over us. I\'m grateful you have your grandchildren to help soften the pain as I know mine do that for me as well. I wonder if it isn\'t that peeling back the layers kind of realizations that we seem to have to experience again and again when the darkness and reality feels like a heavy shroud... not sure yet I do think it\'s part of this ongoing healing process that is now our life\'s work. I appreciate your thoughts and your presence here as it helps me. Love and hugs, Joanie