Hey, all, Here's an exerpt from today's blog. It basically speaks of letting go and the ability to do so... I still need to get things out. I need to let go of a lot of junk. Not only with feelings associated with bad memories, but more like attitudes and basic beliefs that are simply mythical. I think I will have to do the grunt work and list them out on a peace of paper and address them one at a time, but my perfectionist part of me will not want to do that in fear of leaving something out. So effing sad. also I never learned how to let go properly. It never works. I see my son, who is a freshman in high school, starting to adopt some myths of his own. He is a tame, quiet kid who has seen a lot of crap going on in his middle school, and now that he is in the high school, his stories don't seem so sensational, but those things he learned in middle school are still with him. Things like boys are generally violent and thoughtless. I can learn from him if I pay attention. But more importantly I need to help him somehow. Help him dissuage the myths. And this boy Ha - (either one, actually) is locked up tight. ...or not to be able to. I wish I knew how to let go. I thought I did until my Tdoc showed me different. He failed that portion but two yars later I get it. He tried to make me admit anger and I wouldn't do it. as if I am in complete control of my emotions. That's a red alert, folks. Again, years later I learn that there is a difference between controlling your emotions and totally suppressing them. Do you get it? Here's more about me. ...I am my favorite person. And there are reasons for that and most are sad. I am a perfectionist gone totally imploded. Tons of unfinished genius lies in my basement for fear that they won't work the first time, or that they won't work quite as beautifully as I had hoped. I fear old people and teenagers. I don't do the nibble on fingernails thing you might see in a cartoon, but something tells me that they are volatile and I should stay away. My whole life up to a few years ago were lies. Lies were invented to prevent shame. Shame basically rules my decision-making process ( i promise to tell you a lot about that). I have also learned that I cannot make genuine emotional connections with people. And this is the main reason I am what I am. All the lies I have created form a bubble around me that I need to have to preserve the image I have created. A false image. I fear that the real me just isn't close to good enough (which is also a lie) so no one gets close enough to find out. How sad. Okay enough babbling. I'll be back. Thanks for having me here.  Glenn