TOTAL ACCEPTANCE Just a thoiught---- Some of us can not or could not before recovery piture life without alcohol. Some day or it has already happened we were unable to imagine life without alcohol. Then we will know loneliness such as few experiance. We will be at a jumping off place. We will wish for the end. Only an alcoholic can understand the exact meaning of a statment like this. The double standard that held me captive as an active accoholic also filled me with terror, confusion, and feeling alone. The ULTAMITE CATCH 22--IF I DON'T GET A DRINKI AM GOING TO DIE, THEN AFTER DRINKING, IF I CONTINUE DRINKING IT'S GOING TO KILL ME. Both compulsive thoughts pushed me ever closer to the bottom. That bottom produced a TOTAL ACCEPTABCE of my alcoholism --with no reservations whatsoever-and one that was absolutely essential for my recovery. To my friends can you relate to this?? untill next till
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I remember being so stressed and thinking i would probably have a heart attack or something and die, if I did not have a drink to calm me down. So I justified the drink with saving my life. Now isn\'t that so ABSURD!! But I Knew no other way to relax. Then after drinking way too much, as was the usual, I turned into a monster. And the next day I felt like I was going to die from a hangover, so, you know it, had to drink again, to feel better. Thank God that in my sobriety I have found an inner peace and do not become as upset with things and have found other ways to cool my jets. Sobriety is so much better than the former.