I feel this need to journal but I dont even know really what to write. I am very tired had a very busy week. There is a saying on the wall at one of my meeting places, HALT-- HUNGRY,ANGRY,LONLEY,TIRED and it doesnt have to be in that order. The key is that I can idenify whats going on and find solutions sometimes quickly sometimes slowly but I do find them for today. Will these types of things come back you bet ya but I seek it out again. Thats something I could never do till I found recovery through the program of 12steps which I live on daily basis to the best of my ability, I do not have a friend thats not in recovery, but I know everyone else has there own way of staying clean and sober some do it and are as angry ect then the day they came in the program I am talking some with 20 years sober but one thing they dont do is dont work the steps. I listen to tape last weekend from guy that spoke a couple weeks ago in akron OH for founders day and he said if you hear someone say all you have to do is dont drink and go to meetings is doing a great disservice to the newcomer and I totally agree but that me. I know Iam rambling but thats ok to be honest Iam not even going to go over what I already wrote it really doesnt matter. Iam write this whyy Iam listening to invervention on A&E i DO THIS SO i DONT FORGET WHERE I CAME FROM AND i SEE ALOT OF THAT IN ME. BEFORE I FOUND RECOVERY. Iam so grateful I have learned I had a thinking problem way before I had a drinking and drug problem. I know for certain this recovery deal is life and death for me and I remind myself that on a daily basis. Bottom line if I do the right next thing helping others that seek it out that was just like me Before I can to the program I was HOPELESS THEN i FOUND HOPE from people that put up with alot of shit with me so its my reasponsabily to pass it on to some one thats wants to find that hope. Well I guess thats enough-- TILL NEXT TIME
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Hi fella, I\'m sorry, I guess I thought you were an Mich. State Alumnii, Now that I have read your journal post (after I wrote you the message) I reaslized I hit on almost every point in your last post, even though I hadn\'t even read your journal yet! Yeah, I watch Intervention, too. Fri. at 7:00, here. But now I watch it to pick out the beast and yell a those addicts and their families and the counselors, too. Talk about cohersion!!! Sick, disease, teatment! Oh Lord God help us! It is amazing how my knowledge and logic really kicks in whenI see it. Good progam, though. Makes me shiver...especially the meth-ers. There is another site of YouTube that has flicks of drunks in their throes. What a hoot. To think that used to be me! Yikes! gjm, 1 year ago, July 5, I was in hospital dying from alcohol-induced illness...1 YEAR AGO, this week, I didn\'t know my own name, slipping in and out of a morphine-induced coma. 87lbs, malnourished, de-toxing, pancreatitis so severe that they couldn\'t tell my husband if I was going to make it, for 2 days. How is that for bottom.. Yet, I got treatment and went to AA and continued to drink\'\'\'didn\'t get drunk, but I drank.. Never made 6 mos, even. Made 5 X 2. Got a wonderful sponsor, 2 Home groups, read the books, mtgs. every day,got in service ( I baked all the birthday cakes) for free. Brught cookies and brownies, collected coins, shared my ass off,( have a very wry sense of humor so I was aked to speak often), met some great people, did the steps......until #4.... then things started to smell fishy. My husband, grateful that I had stopped, felt the same way from the beginning. I even tried to 12-step my neighbor till I realized it would ruin a 20 yr. frienship. ( You know how it goes.....Don\'t try to teach a pig to sing....It won\'t work and you\'ll only annoy the pig)...my humor at work! I even started talking to God...he never answered me, though.Must not have Sprint. When we got to the 4th step, I balked..sponsor gave me a week\'s break... still no way was I going to do #4 and 5.. Not me... what the hell, did that have to do with not drinking anyway? Then I started wondering, what if she tells someone some day, what if she blackmails me..hell, I didn\'t even know her last name.....oh yeah I did.... It was Hi, I\'m Nancy Imanalcoholic, same as the one AA gave me. Any way... that was the end of the beginning.Ok OK, gjm, you don\'t have to get the sword, I promise, I won\'t hurt you..just be your friend ( the one who doesn\'t drink) Love, Triss