11 Months - Thoughts
I have read several books lately, Including The Inner Matrix by Joey Klein, Madness by Marya Hornbacher. I am currently into The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma by Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD. Particularly the things that Marya had to say about accepting BiPolar has struck a chord with me.
This week on his podcast, Paul* talked about being on a new medication that makes him feel calm and yet clear-headed. I wanted to write to him, I know! That's how Lithium Orotate has been for me! But listening to Marya brought me back down to earth.
I congratulate myself on having accepted my disorder, but in reality there is still a part of me that thinks there is A SOLUTION, that if I do the RIGHT THINGS the RIGHT WAY (or, as Marya puts it, have a "perfect" day) then I will be able to maintain my life without problems. I've been trying to figure out where my breakthroughs are coming from - not enough medication? Need more exercise? Triggers? Is it hormonal? - but in reality I will continue to have breakthroughs and have to deal with them. I'm not going to find a magic place where I will be feeding my brain the exact right amount of chemicals and it will be happy and I will cruise along in constant stability. I am going to have mania and depression, on some level, at some times. I can't avoid it, but I can deal with it.
Thank you, Marya, for the reality check.
*Paul Gilmartin, The Mental Health Happy Hour; http://mentalpod.com/#. Episode 281, dated 6/9/16.
This week on his podcast, Paul* talked about being on a new medication that makes him feel calm and yet clear-headed. I wanted to write to him, I know! That's how Lithium Orotate has been for me! But listening to Marya brought me back down to earth.
I congratulate myself on having accepted my disorder, but in reality there is still a part of me that thinks there is A SOLUTION, that if I do the RIGHT THINGS the RIGHT WAY (or, as Marya puts it, have a "perfect" day) then I will be able to maintain my life without problems. I've been trying to figure out where my breakthroughs are coming from - not enough medication? Need more exercise? Triggers? Is it hormonal? - but in reality I will continue to have breakthroughs and have to deal with them. I'm not going to find a magic place where I will be feeding my brain the exact right amount of chemicals and it will be happy and I will cruise along in constant stability. I am going to have mania and depression, on some level, at some times. I can't avoid it, but I can deal with it.
Thank you, Marya, for the reality check.
*Paul Gilmartin, The Mental Health Happy Hour; http://mentalpod.com/#. Episode 281, dated 6/9/16.
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