11/30/12 Aydan was born!

So my baby boy arrived Nov 26th at 5:55pm. He was 7lb 0oz. and 17 1/2 inches long. He was delivered by emergency c-section. Monday I got up and Aydan was not moving as usual and from 9am till 1pm I only felt him move 2x's and that was only because I pushed on him and he moved. I called the clinic and they suggested I drink a coke, lay on my left side for an hour and do kick counts. Still nothing. They told me to come on in to put me on the NST and after 30 minutes on the monitors, Aydan still wasn't moving, but they did notice every now and then his heart rate would dip. The Dr told me it he was not very pleased with the results so he sent me across the road to the hospital for further monitoring. I got there and was taken up to labor and delivery and was hooked up to another monitor. After 20 mins, Aydan's heartbeat had plummeted 2x's so the Dr came in and checked me and I was not dilated at all so she said I would be delivered by c-section within the next hour. They started an IV and a catheter to get me prepared for c-section. At this point my mom had arrived at the hospital but my husband was just now getting home from work and had no ride to the hospital. My mom was about to leave to go get him and bring him up there when my status changed to STAT meaning they were going to deliver me NOW. So my mom stayed and they rushed me to OR and gave me an epidural and after 5 minutes, I was still moving my feet and the Dr pinched my stomach and I felt it so they had to put me under general anesthesia. I woke up shortly after the surgery in the recovery room and immediately asked for my baby. There was my mom holding him and she showed him to me. He was so cute and chubby and was blowing bubbles from his mouth :D. I was still very drugged so I couldn't hold him. My husband came in along with my cousin, her husband and son, and my aunt. My husband got to hold him and I looked and saw that he was a split image of him. Not very much long after, the nurse came and took the baby to the nursery. I was still there in recovery for another 20 minutes or so. Then I got the news that Aydan had been sent to the NICU cause his oxygen was low and didn't have a healthy color.
I was sent to a room and there I waited and waited and they never brought my baby. The nurse came in to check me and told me that he was gonna have to stay in NICU cause he was on oxygen. Of course I couldn't go see him cause it was too soon after the c-section for me to get up and walk down there plus I was still hooked up to the IV and pain meds and had my catheter in. I never felt pain like that in my life and it was so hard to sleep that night. I woke up in the middle of the night crying cause I wanted my baby so bad and I could hear everyone else's babies crying in the rooms on either sides of mine.
The next morning the first thing I did was shower and go down to the NICU after they had removed my IV and catheter. I saw him and he was so cute and I wanted to hold him so bad but they had him hooked up to a cpap machine and had him using 70% oxygen. Plus he had alot of other wires and tubes cooked up to monitor his heartbeat, oxygen, and temperature. The Dr and physical therapist came over and told me that his lungs weren't as developed as they needed to be when he was born so he was needing a little extra help to breathe and open his lungs up. Then the physical therapist told me even more bad news... my son may have down syndrome. She was pointing out alot of the physical characteristics that he possesses that points towards the disorder... such as his eyes being slanted, he has a space between his big toe and 2nd toe, he had short fingers, and he was "floppy". Then he had a valve on his heart that hadn't closed yet that was suppose to after he was born. Well his eyes could be slanted cause he is half hispanic, I have a space between my toes like that, and he was probably floppy cause of his oxygen and he wasn't really ready to be born. And then I thought his fingers looked fine. But they said they went ahead and drew blood to send off his chromosomes to have them checked for the DS.
My son continued to get better up till Wednesday he was completely off oxygen support and was breathing all on his own. I got to hold him that afternoon and he took a nap on my chest. I got to watch the nurse bottle feed him for the first time. I wasn't able to cause he still hasn't learned to breath and eat at the same time and tries to hold his breath while he sucks. Everything seemed to be going well.
Thursday morning I got up at 5am to take some colostrum down to the NICU that I had pumped and I saw that he had oxygen on again. I asked the nurse about it but she said that another lady was taking care of my baby but she wasn't anywhere around and that the nurse I asked didn't know much about his condition. I went back to my room cause the NICU has no visitations between 6-8am and pm. I came back at 11am and he was surrounded by doctors and nurses. The doctor came to me and said that he is having respiratory distress so they had to put him back on oxygen 30%... but they are also checking his heart cause there is not alot of pressure on the left side. So by Thursday afternoon they had him on a breathing tube giving him doses of gases and surfactant to help his lungs develop more and put him on a blood pressure medicine for his heart. They also put a line thru his belly button to monitor his oxygen more closely. And he has been sedated to help him relax more.
It hurts so bad to see me son like that. Everytime I went to see him they were poking him with needles and he was crying and screaming so hard in pain. And then on top of that, I got discharged Thursday afternoon and had to go home without him. I am hoping so bad that he gets better and I plan on going to see him later this morning when my mom comes to pick me up. I called last night after I got home and the nurse said there are no changes, but the gases have helped a little bit with his blood oxygen levels. I am still very scared that he has downs sydrome. He doesn't look like it to me, but I don't know what to think. Either way he is still my son and will be loved. I just know that if he does have it, he will have to have so many dr visits and I have this fear that I won't be able to have more kids cause I will be spending all my time trying to take care of him and then also have more kids with the same condition. I don't have any DS ppl in my family and neither does my husband. I am gonna keep praying though that he gets better and I hope to bring him home soon. I feel like something is missing inside me.