11/22/2014 I Just Don't Get It, And Probably Never Will
Been trying to make arrangements with my daughter's father to stop by & visit with her Grandmother. Each time so far, it's been cancelled at the last minute. I get it. Nana is very sick. He cancelled on me this morning & turned it into an insult fest. The insults to me matter not, as I did not insult him back. He will always be an asshole. He is not capable of more than that, after abusing cocaine & crack for more than 30 years.
Next on the list: Swore at the guy who owns the 5 family Section 8 house next door. Tried many many times over the last 12 years to nicely ask him to have his tenants stop with the garbage & cigarettes in my driveway & yard. Even had to get the County involved one time. This morning, I picked up 7 butts out of the driveway, put them in a plastic bag, went to his little grocery store. I greeted him, then dumped the cigarette butts on his counter. He was in shock (oh poor poor you, landlord), asked why I did this. I explained "you are the landlord, you take control of your fucking tenants" & walked right out. I finished my errands & when I got home, saw a missed call- it was the main number to our local police station.
Hmmm.... I do know this landlord pays off someone on the police force.
So, I hop back in the car, go to the police station & ask why their number came up as a missed call- was there a local emergency that my answering machine didn't record? Tried to make a joke about it all & had the guys at the window trying not to blow up laughing in my face. I know they were thinking I was just a retarded member of the public. They called back to someone else who was making outbound calls- I had to identify myself with address & I overheard the 3rd individual asking to have the visual turned on so they could see my face. The explanation was yep the 3rd person innocently dialed a wrong number & it happened to be me. So, it wasn't the fuck face guy who owns the Section 8 house next door.
Help- I would like advice as to how to stop caring about what is Right & Just. Maybe because all through my life people have (and continue to try) to step on me, belittle me, "just didn't think it (~insert situation~) made a difference to/about" me & I've had enough of their lies & bullshit? It's a losing battle/attitude to have. Yet, if I let go of this part of me I will sink as low as everyone who has stepped on me & hurt me.
I dunno anymore. If I could have alcohol, I would have a shot of Jack Daniel's right now. I am letting the asses of the world get under my skin. I cannot drink because of the Epilepsy meds- what fun is that? No fun at all. Gotta find another kind of fun, I suppose...
Love & Hugs to my wonderful DS friends- hoping your today is better!
Next on the list: Swore at the guy who owns the 5 family Section 8 house next door. Tried many many times over the last 12 years to nicely ask him to have his tenants stop with the garbage & cigarettes in my driveway & yard. Even had to get the County involved one time. This morning, I picked up 7 butts out of the driveway, put them in a plastic bag, went to his little grocery store. I greeted him, then dumped the cigarette butts on his counter. He was in shock (oh poor poor you, landlord), asked why I did this. I explained "you are the landlord, you take control of your fucking tenants" & walked right out. I finished my errands & when I got home, saw a missed call- it was the main number to our local police station.
Hmmm.... I do know this landlord pays off someone on the police force.
So, I hop back in the car, go to the police station & ask why their number came up as a missed call- was there a local emergency that my answering machine didn't record? Tried to make a joke about it all & had the guys at the window trying not to blow up laughing in my face. I know they were thinking I was just a retarded member of the public. They called back to someone else who was making outbound calls- I had to identify myself with address & I overheard the 3rd individual asking to have the visual turned on so they could see my face. The explanation was yep the 3rd person innocently dialed a wrong number & it happened to be me. So, it wasn't the fuck face guy who owns the Section 8 house next door.
Help- I would like advice as to how to stop caring about what is Right & Just. Maybe because all through my life people have (and continue to try) to step on me, belittle me, "just didn't think it (~insert situation~) made a difference to/about" me & I've had enough of their lies & bullshit? It's a losing battle/attitude to have. Yet, if I let go of this part of me I will sink as low as everyone who has stepped on me & hurt me.
I dunno anymore. If I could have alcohol, I would have a shot of Jack Daniel's right now. I am letting the asses of the world get under my skin. I cannot drink because of the Epilepsy meds- what fun is that? No fun at all. Gotta find another kind of fun, I suppose...
Love & Hugs to my wonderful DS friends- hoping your today is better!
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