11/10/2014 Made It Through This Bout Of PTSD
My counselor was right. PTSD does indeed rear it's ugly head on occasion. I feel I've done OK. Only one bout of withdrawal inward & some battles with incorrect inner dialogue since July? Not bad.
I changed my energy about a home winterizing task. I was getting nowhere finding a contractor to move a downspout, plug the hole, angle the gutter & reattach the downspout on the other side of the house. I figured out why. A contractor who quoted the job earlier in the autumn quoted labor only & would not give me price of materials. I became frustrated with multiple attempts to get him to provide a proper quote. Finally, I withdrew my request & he texted a very snide remark back to me. I was going to write him up on Angie's List for attempting to deceive me regarding contract price & I kept those texts on my phone. One day, during my PTSD episode last week, I decided to delete the defamatory (to me) text & not write a negative comment on Angie's List. Negative attitudes toward several recent circumstances had already befallen me & put me into this PTSD episode. So I released the anger, deleted the text & didn't write him up on Angie's List. The next day, I went to find the contractor who did the window wrapping over the summer. He had given me his business card- but his phone was disconnected. I went to his house (he lives here in the village) & asked him to stop by. Now, the job is being done for $100 labor, I purchase the waterproof caulking & downspout connector. $24! The contractor will be here at noon TODAY! Just in time, snow is looming closer & closer.
Part of this PTSD episode is still allowing myself to give a shit to a certain extent about hubby. How he bought another vehicle, believing that his investment into his brother's real estate team (pyramid of course) will pay off his $20k plus interest & his brother is "promising $250k out of his own commission" to hubby. "That'll pay for the 2011 Audi Q5 I just bought because you just got an Audi so I had to get one".
Next on my to do list is to get tax advice from H&R Block here in the village about the tax implications of our martial status & owning 2 houses, as well as paying taxes on dividend interest as opposed to payroll taxes. I have to find out which way we'll be screwed less & if I need to rush the divorce. We're not hurrying the divorce due to I'm getting better medical through his job that has not, thank God In High Holy Heaven, fired him for being on sick leave so long. I cannot imagine what Obamacare has in store for me once we do divorce. It's quite late in the year if we pursue the divorce, there may not be enough time regarding filing papers & such. Another thing I have on the list to find out. Hubby has no clue how to do this.
God & Angels, please help hubby. Send him a woman who will teach him the lessons he needs now. I was not able to teach him any more than he already received from me. Thanks, Amen
God & Angels, help me now, as I am regaining strength to move forward once again. Give me the will to research both paths that are open to me, allow me find the best choice for me, even if it's a path different from the two I have before me now. Allow my body strength to once again increase after the fall I took last week. Allow me to stop worrying about the pain in my right breast at the surgery site & the mass I feel. Thank you, Amen
My boob issue: I am looking at it as continued irritation of the external scar due to my bra fitting incorrectly & my surgery boob falling out of the bra all the time (just that boob, damn it, not the other side!). My surgeon's office agreed with my assessment when I called to note the issue to discuss during my next follow up appointment December 17th.
Sigh... It's hard to climb back to the light when the old place of existence is an odd comfort, because it's familiar. It's time once again to work hard to make the light my place of comfortable existence!
Love to all my wonderful DS friends! Thank you all for your comforting hugs & messages!
I changed my energy about a home winterizing task. I was getting nowhere finding a contractor to move a downspout, plug the hole, angle the gutter & reattach the downspout on the other side of the house. I figured out why. A contractor who quoted the job earlier in the autumn quoted labor only & would not give me price of materials. I became frustrated with multiple attempts to get him to provide a proper quote. Finally, I withdrew my request & he texted a very snide remark back to me. I was going to write him up on Angie's List for attempting to deceive me regarding contract price & I kept those texts on my phone. One day, during my PTSD episode last week, I decided to delete the defamatory (to me) text & not write a negative comment on Angie's List. Negative attitudes toward several recent circumstances had already befallen me & put me into this PTSD episode. So I released the anger, deleted the text & didn't write him up on Angie's List. The next day, I went to find the contractor who did the window wrapping over the summer. He had given me his business card- but his phone was disconnected. I went to his house (he lives here in the village) & asked him to stop by. Now, the job is being done for $100 labor, I purchase the waterproof caulking & downspout connector. $24! The contractor will be here at noon TODAY! Just in time, snow is looming closer & closer.
Part of this PTSD episode is still allowing myself to give a shit to a certain extent about hubby. How he bought another vehicle, believing that his investment into his brother's real estate team (pyramid of course) will pay off his $20k plus interest & his brother is "promising $250k out of his own commission" to hubby. "That'll pay for the 2011 Audi Q5 I just bought because you just got an Audi so I had to get one".
Next on my to do list is to get tax advice from H&R Block here in the village about the tax implications of our martial status & owning 2 houses, as well as paying taxes on dividend interest as opposed to payroll taxes. I have to find out which way we'll be screwed less & if I need to rush the divorce. We're not hurrying the divorce due to I'm getting better medical through his job that has not, thank God In High Holy Heaven, fired him for being on sick leave so long. I cannot imagine what Obamacare has in store for me once we do divorce. It's quite late in the year if we pursue the divorce, there may not be enough time regarding filing papers & such. Another thing I have on the list to find out. Hubby has no clue how to do this.
God & Angels, please help hubby. Send him a woman who will teach him the lessons he needs now. I was not able to teach him any more than he already received from me. Thanks, Amen
God & Angels, help me now, as I am regaining strength to move forward once again. Give me the will to research both paths that are open to me, allow me find the best choice for me, even if it's a path different from the two I have before me now. Allow my body strength to once again increase after the fall I took last week. Allow me to stop worrying about the pain in my right breast at the surgery site & the mass I feel. Thank you, Amen
My boob issue: I am looking at it as continued irritation of the external scar due to my bra fitting incorrectly & my surgery boob falling out of the bra all the time (just that boob, damn it, not the other side!). My surgeon's office agreed with my assessment when I called to note the issue to discuss during my next follow up appointment December 17th.
Sigh... It's hard to climb back to the light when the old place of existence is an odd comfort, because it's familiar. It's time once again to work hard to make the light my place of comfortable existence!
Love to all my wonderful DS friends! Thank you all for your comforting hugs & messages!
Replies
PTSD does rear its ugly head when you least expect it. But knowing the signs does help. As for hubby, forget it. He is painting himself into a corner. If Obamacare is modelled after our Canadian healthcare system, you will be fine. Although not perfect it is better than paying for everything yourself.
Hugs.