11/09/09

Well I woke up this morning and I feel like crap.  Pretty sure I got a cold, my mom has been sick the last few days so I think I caught it from her.  The usual achy, fever, sniffles, coughing.  Not sure if I'm going to make my doctor appointment on Wednesday, I'll probably get worse before I get better. See how I feel tomorrow then I might cancel till I feel better, its just another test anyway.  I've also been playing basketball over the last week almost everyday for about a half hour at a time, the weather has been mild too so I've been taking advantage of it.  Can't say I feel too much different, I do have more energy afterwards, but it takes time to get back into shape.   I go to my local park, most days I'm the only one on the basketball courts during the week.  Then there's a few people who go hiking on the trails there.  I'm alone with my thoughts, very peaceful, most times I'm too tired to think and my mind is clear when I'm shooting baskets.  I usually don't get lonely, but some days its interesting at the park.  On occasion I'll see a woman go hiking and its weird but I hope she'll come over and talk to me, but the trails go the opposite way, so I never talk to them.  Most are alone like me, I wonder what their story is, are they single?  Boyfriend? Why are they hiking alone?   I guess if I was a woman I wouldn't just go up to a guy at a park and start talking to him.  Its the world we live in sadly, everyone lives in fear, I'm harmless of course :)  But they don't know that.  Then there's other times I see people cheating which really bugs me, I saw it all the time at the other park I worked at, one car would pull in, then another a few minutes later, then they'll get in one car and well...or leave and well...you know the rest.  Pretty obvious what they're up too sadly, if they were married they wouldn't be sneaking around in a park, lowlifes...Its funny in a way, life that is, one person like me is trying to find love, another person is cheating on their spouse.  All in the same place, its a reality check for sure, not everyone is a good person, some people are down right evil.   Most are older that I see, I just think that once, at least once they had to be in my shoes, looking for love.  Then of course they found it, so how did it come to cheating in a park?  How does that happen?  What a waste of time, all those years down the drain, all those dates, that would have to be one of my greatest fears.  So when I'm at the park I try not to think of those idiots and I think of the woman hiking alone on the trail, everybody has a story, what's hers? Something else I wanted to write about, I want to write this down anyway.  I got bored the other day and started looking up things on the internet, spiritual things.  I don't really consider myself too spiritual, but paranormal things interest me greatly.  Things above the normal, ghosts, time travel, ufos, premonitions and prophecies, telekinesis even.  Call me strange, but I like to believe there is more to life then this box we live in, our physical boundaries. So I got to reading about astral projection/lucid dreams.  This is when you basically have control over your dreams and some claim you can exit your sleeping body and move freely anywhere.  Pretty cool huh?  When I was reading about it I read some of the stories and the technique most people use and I thought these people are fricking out of their minds lol.  Some said they went to the moon, they talked to dead relatives, etc.  I was like yeah right!  Now the technique is just before bed, you focus on an object in the room, any object, and eventually you fall asleep but your supposed to keep focused on that object until you do.  Then they claim you can be aware you are asleep and exit your body and still see the object and you are free without the physical boundaries and you can even see yourself sleeping. Okay, so this was my experience, this was the second night I tried this, nothing happened the first night, maybe I was too tired.  They say we forget most of our dreams but we dream every night, for me I must forget all my dreams because I never remember my dreams anymore or very rarely.  So this makes this more interesting what happened last night.  I laid down and focused on an object, I think I focused on my TV lol.  Its hard because your either looking up or to your side.  I don't remember looking at it until I fell asleep but I must say I had two dreams last night that I remember only the second time doing this, I didn't exit my body or anything though, maybe eventually... The first dream was strange, I was back in high school I think and I was arguing with a girl about something, then her boyfriend found out and tried to fight me, I remember him about to punch me but he never did and I woke up.  Just weird because I'd never argue with a girl to begin with lol. The second dream was much more meaningful I think.  It was so vivid, and I saw my grandfather who passed away last year about this time around Thanksgiving.  We were all at a restaurant, I didn't recognize it.  Me, my mom and dad, my grandpa and grandma, and maybe others too I can't remember.  We walked in and sat down, I think we were at two booths, that's why I think there was more family there.  I was sitting with my dad, and after awhile my grandfather walks up to my right side from the other booth.  He was talking to my dad but I don't know what he was saying, maybe because I don't think you hear sound when dreaming.  I was looking right at him and I could see his mouth moving though.  He even was walking with a limp as he had for the last few years of his life, and he was kinda leaning up against the booth divider. Then like that, he walked away and I woke up again.  But it was so clear, he was maybe two feet away from me. I had one other dream months ago where I think my grandfather came to me before I started trying this lucid dreaming and all.  I was having a nightmare where I was being chased or something, then everything went black and when the light came back I was driving in my car past my grandfathers farm and there was a rainbow over the house and it was a sunny day. Now I've never ever gone from a nightmare to something like that, I've always woke up.  So I think he was protecting me in a way, I can't explain that one.        I'm not crazy, but this stuff really intrigues me, I didn't believe it but I'm starting too, I can't explain two dreams right when I try this when I never dream.  I didn't exit my body either, but most people claim they didn't until weeks of doing it.  I did see my grandfather clear as day, leaning right up next to me though which I can't explain.  I don't know if he was really there in my dream or not on the astral plane, or if it was my mind, or both?  But I'm going to keep doing it and see what happens, I believe it more now then before that's for sure.  I still can't imagine being able to leave your body and go anywhere you want to, but its cool to think about it.  Till next time, think I'll get some tea and pills. :) Boston - More Then A Feelinghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fm_-sW4Vktw