It has been 5 months since I found out about my H's 2 year affair with my best friend. We have been married for 16 years. Our marriage is not the same. We start counseling Friday morning so I don't know how that is going to go. We talk about the affair almost everyday and yes, I said talk. We are communicating so much better now. However, the problem that I have is that I no longer feel like we are married. I no longer feel ANY feelings for him. Nothing, nada, zip, zilch!
Three weeks ago, I had an intense moment of anger about the whole affair. That has been the only time that I have gotten that angry about what he has done to us. Since then, I haven't had any feelings for him whatsoever. I feel pretty sure that I have emotionally shut down and it will take a while to move past this.
At this moment though, I am sure our marriage is over. I hope I am wrong. I am ready to leave with my kids right now and start my life over. I just don't know if he is capable of making me fall in love with him a second time and I am not sure if I want to. He has been doing everything possible to help us recover from this. He has been completely transparent about everything but I feel it may be too little too late. He should not have started this over 2 years ago in the first place.
I have had several friends remind me that I am a strong, independent woman and that I will survive this one way or another. I know I will. I, however, do not feel that it will be with him. I am ready to move on with my life without him. I am ready to find myself again and to not let this get me down any longer. he chose to tear our family apart. He will have to live with that. I am making plans for my life to move forward. I am 37 years old and I am almost looking forward to living alone without him. I have never been on my own. I married him and moved out of my parent's home into his. This was to be forever for us, but he has proven to me that he did not see me that way any longer. He wanted his freedom and I am going to give it to him even though he says now that is not what he wants. Be careful what you wish for dear, you may get it.
Three weeks ago, I had an intense moment of anger about the whole affair. That has been the only time that I have gotten that angry about what he has done to us. Since then, I haven't had any feelings for him whatsoever. I feel pretty sure that I have emotionally shut down and it will take a while to move past this.
At this moment though, I am sure our marriage is over. I hope I am wrong. I am ready to leave with my kids right now and start my life over. I just don't know if he is capable of making me fall in love with him a second time and I am not sure if I want to. He has been doing everything possible to help us recover from this. He has been completely transparent about everything but I feel it may be too little too late. He should not have started this over 2 years ago in the first place.
I have had several friends remind me that I am a strong, independent woman and that I will survive this one way or another. I know I will. I, however, do not feel that it will be with him. I am ready to move on with my life without him. I am ready to find myself again and to not let this get me down any longer. he chose to tear our family apart. He will have to live with that. I am making plans for my life to move forward. I am 37 years old and I am almost looking forward to living alone without him. I have never been on my own. I married him and moved out of my parent's home into his. This was to be forever for us, but he has proven to me that he did not see me that way any longer. He wanted his freedom and I am going to give it to him even though he says now that is not what he wants. Be careful what you wish for dear, you may get it.
Replies
Girlfriend....I could have written this myself.
I hope all works out for all of us! Thanks for your support!
So sorry that you are having a hard time. I would love to know how the counseling sessions go & if you find them helpful. My husband did not like our counselor we only went about 6 times total.
I totally understand the feelings that you have had towards him lately. I found myself in the same situation a few weeks ago. But after attending a weekend seminar my attitude has somewhat changed. I feel so much stronger now!
You are a strong woman & I can tell that you will do fine no matter which way your marriage turns out. You need to keep focusing on what is good about you!
I\'m here for you :)
Thanks!!!!
I will let you know how it goes. So far I am not impressed with her. We have to wait 2 weeks to go back and she told us NOT to talk about the affair at all. WTH!!!
Anyway, 2nd session I will know if we will continue with her or find a new counselor.
You stay strong also and I am here if you need to talk too.