Vacation
I just got back from vacation with my son at Ocean City, NJ. He was grumbling about going, the long car ride, etc. However, as I had hoped, once we got there he had a great time. We walked the boardwalk and visited the arcades and shops. He overcame his fear of sharks and unseen things and I got him to go into the ocean with me. I bought us "belly boards" and we rode the waves in to shore for four hours the first day, and again the next. This was really important to me as he is almost 12 and his life consists of too many video games, YouTube videos and TV. It was wonderful to see him enjoying the real outdoors! Unfortunately, the real world also reminded us that sunscreen washes off eventually in the waves. I got burned on my face and head, and he got burned a bit on his cheeks. Not bad, but annoying. So, we skipped a day at the beach and hung out mostly indoors.
Here's something funny. At least it made me laugh. I had agreed to water my Ex's outdoor plants and garden while they were on vacation in NH. It was a bad idea, but I still have a bit of a hard time saying no. So, she agreed to water my plant (one plant on my deck) while we were gone. I got home and the watering can was right where I left it and my plant was pretty crispy. I texted her and asked if she had watered it and she said, no, it had rained here three days so she didn't bother. So much for reciprocating. Instead of being mad, it just made me laugh at myself for expecting anything different. I won't have any problem saying no in the future.
On Thursday night when we got back, I offered to let her see our son as we had been away all week, but she said she was out and wouldn't be back until late. I know she had a date for a concert. In our last year or so I had asked her to concerts on Thursday nights and she had berated me saying she gets too tired on weeknights and don't I know that about her by now, yada, yada. I guess that only applied to me since she has no problem going to weeknight concerts now. I admit that causes a twinge of hurt, but I remind myself that I don't need to deal with excuses, lies, whatever any more, and it is a sign that she just didn't want to be with me and who wants that anyway?
So, I dropped my son off today at noon and it went okay. I did help him take all his stuff into the house, and she was there, but she was busy cleaning the place for what looked like some kind of party tomorrow - big cake on counter, deep cleaning... So, I didn't have to interact with her.
I did send her a text that since I had my son all week, and he is leaving for a week with her father (grandpa), she could have him next weekend and we would just reset. She replied "no. I've arranged my schedule around the regular weekend dates so I'll drop him off Saturday night when he gets home." That irritated me a bit as I'll miss Friday and Saturday and won't have him the next weekend. Then I realized what she was doing.
I have tickets to see 3 Days Grace in September, and it was supposed to be a Thursday night show which I thought she would not be going to, because "weeknight". It got moved to Friday night instead, after I bought tickets, due to band schedule conflicts. I reminded her that I was going to the show and had given her months of notice, and she replied "I'm going too and its your weekend." Hence, it was important to not change the weekend schedule.
I don't have any relatives in the state, so arranging a sitter will be problematic for me and she knows it. Sigh. I asked if she could arrange for a sitter and she replied about it being my weekend and the "burden" falling on her... She did finally agree which I DO appreciate as it IS my weekend, but she made it painful.
So now, I have two tickets and no date yet, and I know my Ex will be at the show in a small venue. I'm hoping to find a date and just hope for the best and ignore her if I see her.
So, I'm doing well in general, had a great vacation with my son, and some annoyances with my Ex that I'm doing my best to brush off. I have to go back to work on Monday, but I still have tomorrow off to do laundry, etc.
I checked back in here today, and for some reason I'm finding it very hard to read the posts in the main forum. It seems like I'm almost turning a corner in my recovery, and the posts are of new and raw pain, and they remind me too much of how I was feeling not very long ago, and how I'm fighting not to feel now. I do owe it to the group to pay forward the help and encouragement I found here, but I think I need to take a little time off now.
Here's something funny. At least it made me laugh. I had agreed to water my Ex's outdoor plants and garden while they were on vacation in NH. It was a bad idea, but I still have a bit of a hard time saying no. So, she agreed to water my plant (one plant on my deck) while we were gone. I got home and the watering can was right where I left it and my plant was pretty crispy. I texted her and asked if she had watered it and she said, no, it had rained here three days so she didn't bother. So much for reciprocating. Instead of being mad, it just made me laugh at myself for expecting anything different. I won't have any problem saying no in the future.
On Thursday night when we got back, I offered to let her see our son as we had been away all week, but she said she was out and wouldn't be back until late. I know she had a date for a concert. In our last year or so I had asked her to concerts on Thursday nights and she had berated me saying she gets too tired on weeknights and don't I know that about her by now, yada, yada. I guess that only applied to me since she has no problem going to weeknight concerts now. I admit that causes a twinge of hurt, but I remind myself that I don't need to deal with excuses, lies, whatever any more, and it is a sign that she just didn't want to be with me and who wants that anyway?
So, I dropped my son off today at noon and it went okay. I did help him take all his stuff into the house, and she was there, but she was busy cleaning the place for what looked like some kind of party tomorrow - big cake on counter, deep cleaning... So, I didn't have to interact with her.
I did send her a text that since I had my son all week, and he is leaving for a week with her father (grandpa), she could have him next weekend and we would just reset. She replied "no. I've arranged my schedule around the regular weekend dates so I'll drop him off Saturday night when he gets home." That irritated me a bit as I'll miss Friday and Saturday and won't have him the next weekend. Then I realized what she was doing.
I have tickets to see 3 Days Grace in September, and it was supposed to be a Thursday night show which I thought she would not be going to, because "weeknight". It got moved to Friday night instead, after I bought tickets, due to band schedule conflicts. I reminded her that I was going to the show and had given her months of notice, and she replied "I'm going too and its your weekend." Hence, it was important to not change the weekend schedule.
I don't have any relatives in the state, so arranging a sitter will be problematic for me and she knows it. Sigh. I asked if she could arrange for a sitter and she replied about it being my weekend and the "burden" falling on her... She did finally agree which I DO appreciate as it IS my weekend, but she made it painful.
So now, I have two tickets and no date yet, and I know my Ex will be at the show in a small venue. I'm hoping to find a date and just hope for the best and ignore her if I see her.
So, I'm doing well in general, had a great vacation with my son, and some annoyances with my Ex that I'm doing my best to brush off. I have to go back to work on Monday, but I still have tomorrow off to do laundry, etc.
I checked back in here today, and for some reason I'm finding it very hard to read the posts in the main forum. It seems like I'm almost turning a corner in my recovery, and the posts are of new and raw pain, and they remind me too much of how I was feeling not very long ago, and how I'm fighting not to feel now. I do owe it to the group to pay forward the help and encouragement I found here, but I think I need to take a little time off now.
Replies
I am glad you had a great time with your son. Sorry that your ex was giving you a hard time about things. But your attitude about it is great. I am glad you are turning a corner in your recovery. I too find the posts hard to read sometimes. But I agree that I want to help others as so many here have helped me.
what a fun trip :) boogey boarding is always a fun adventure, I haven\'t been since I was a kid! great memories :)
sorry you hit some conflicts with your ex, but I agree.. keep it as planned is HER plan, so next time she asks, be sure your equally as \'accommodating\' for her :)
I also have a hard time reading the forums.. it brings back a lot of painful moments that I feel I\'ve over come.. and I agree \'paying it forward\' is important.. but honestly right now, I think our OWN recovery is kinda priority one :) paying forward will come in time, anymore I check in on Journals.. most of my friends list on here share my timeline.. so its helpful to read their progress, so dont stop journaling! and I hope you still find support here for you too :)