I've never done this before online. Well here goes. I was sexually abused when I was about 9 years old by a "family friend". He was trusted and I was the only one who knew otherwise. When I finally got the nerve to tell my mother, She put a stop to it. However, it was never talked about again. Emotionally, my mother was not there for me and I began to gain weight. I didn't realize how much the abuse affected me until I was about 22. I weighed approx 175 lbs and feeling miserable. I never had a date. I didn't go to dances and I really didn't have any friends I could talk to. Here comes more weight. I learned at the age of 9 to keep to myself and don't let anyone in. I'm now 38 and I'm still looking for a mother figure. I find it very difficult to connect with men emotionally b/c I see them as sexual beings. I lost 100 lbs and have kept it off for 4 years now. My life is completely different now. My problem is trusting men. I still feel uncomfortable around men. I am currently seeing someone I really like. But I feel like he only wants me for sex. He doesn't treat me that way but its how I feel. I know its because of my own fears and history. I guess thats enough for now.