5/1/07
MY LIFE RIGHT NOW IS ABOUT GETTING JOINT CUSTODY OF MY 3 YEAR OLD SON, DEUCE. SINCE 12/21/06, I HAVE BEEN ALLOWED BY HIS MOM TO SEE HIM FOR A TOTAL OF ABOUT 8 HOURS WITH SUPERVISED VISITATION. HE IS A MAJOR PASSION IN MY LIFE WHICH MEANS, THAT IS THE ONLY WEAPON HIS MOM CAN USE TO HURT ME SEVERLY, AND SHE HAS BEEN VERY SUCCESSFUL.
BECOMING BIPOLAR HAS SEVERLY AFFECTED MY LIFE. NOW THAT I LOOK BACK, IT STARTED WHEN HE WAS BORN ON 8/7/03. I WAS WORKING FOR A TRADER JOE'S THAT WAS 38 MILES FROM THE HOUSE, BUT I REALLY LIKED THE STORE, AND THE PEOPLE I WORKED WITH, AND IN HIND-SIGHT, I SHOULD HAVE STAYED WHERE I WAS. EXPERTS SAY THAT YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO MANY CHANGES ALONG WITH HAVING A BABY, AND NOW I KNOW WHY. I ASKED MY REGIONAL TO TRANSFER ME TO ONE OF THE 3 LOCATIONS THAT WAS WITH IN 10 MILES OF MY HOUSE SO I COULD BE CLOSER TO MY NEWBORN BABY. THAT WAS THE SINGLE MOST BIGGEST MISTAKE IN MY LIFE, AND THE POINT WHERE MY LIFE BEGAN TO CRASH FACE FIRST INTO THE EARTH.
WELL MY REGIONAL HAD A SPOT TO FILL THAT WAS 3 MILES AWAY, AND I GOT IT. I DID NOT MESH AT THE NEW STORE AND EVENTUALLY GOT FIRED AFTER AN 8 AND A HALF YEAR CAREER.
WELL, THE PROBLEM WITH ALL OF THAT, IS THAT I NEVER FELT LIKE I WAS EMOTIONALLY SUPPORTED AND ENCOURAGED BY MY WIFE DURING THIS DIFFICULT TIME IN MY LIFE. I NEEDED HER IN MY CORNER, AND IT FELT LIKE SHE WAS KICKING ME WHEN I WAS DOWN. DURING THE DECLINE AT THE NEW STORE, I WAS TAKING ON A FORM OF POST PARDOM DEPRESSION, AND SHE WAS MAKING ME FEEL COMPLETELY INADEQUATE AS A FATHER, AS A PROVIDER, AS A HUSBAND, AND AS A MAN IN GENERAL. SHE TOLD ME TO GO GET SOME HELP, SO I SOUGHT OUT A PSYCHIATRIST TO TRY AND PLEASE HER. WELL, I GOT ON ANTIDEPRESSANTS AND STARTED HAVING EPISODES OF BOLDNESS WHICH FOR ME WAS ALWAYS CENTERED AROUND JESUS CHRIST. THAT IS THE THING THAT I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO SHARE, BUT I WAS TOO SHY AND SCARED TO, AND IN MY PAST, WHEN I DID SHARE, IT ALWAYS SEEMED LIKE I PUSHED PEOPLE AWAY FROM CHRIST AND NOT GUIDE THEM TO CHRIST, SO IT FELT ANTI-PRODUCTIVE. ON THE MEDS, I DIDN'T CARE WHAT PEOPLE THOUGHT. I HAD SOMETHING TO SAY, AND I WAS GOING TO SAY IT. ONE NIGHT IT FELT LIKE MY BEST FRIEND AND MY WIFE WERE TEAMING UP AGAINST ME, SO I LEFT AND WENT TO THE MALL AND BOUGHT A LOT OF CLOTHES AND SHOES AND HATS ALL WHILE ASKING PEOPLE IF THEY KNEW WHEN THEY WERE GOING TO DIE AND TELLING THEM TO MAKE A DEFINATE DECISION ABOUT JESUS CHRIST BEFORE THAT DAY CAME. I ENDED UP AT GOLFSMITH AND GOT INTO A CONVERSATION WITH ANOTHER CUSTOMER ABOUT THE MOVIE "THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST," AND HE DIDN'T BELIEVE IT REALLY HAPPENED, AND I WAS TRYING TO CONVINCE HIM THAT IT DID. AN EMPLOYEE OVER HEARD OUR CONVERSATION AND SAID YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT THAT IN HERE, AND I WAS IN SHOCK THAT WE COULDN'T HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT A MOVIE IN A STORE. AFTER I WAS ESCORTED OUT, I HAD TOSSED MY CREDIT CARD INSIDE THE STORE BECAUSE I HAD SOME STUFF TO PURCHASE ALREADY AT THE COUNTER. SO THEY CALLED THE COPS AND I GOT TAKEN TO JAIL AND AFTER MAKING SOME LUDE COMMENTS TO THE FEMALE COP DRIVER, WHEN I GOT TO HEADQUARTERS, ABOUT 5 OF HER ASSOCIATES STOOD AROUND ME AND TOLD ME TO DANCE AS ONE OF THEM STUNNED ME WITH THE STUNN GUN. I SPENT THE NIGHT IN A HOLDING CELL AND WHEN I GOT OUT, I CHECKED MYSELF IN TO A MENTAL HOSPITAL. I WAS THERE FOR A WEEK.
BEING WITH MY SON BECAME MY MOTIVATION TO STAY IN THE UNSUPPORTIVE AND UNLOVING MARRIAGE. I BECAME ATTACHED TO HIM SINCE THE DAY MY WIFE TOOK ME OUT TO DINNER AND GAVE ME A PACKAGE WITH A LITTLE EMMITT SMITH ONESY,(WORN IN PICTURE) AND A LETTER WRITTEN FROM THE WOMB SAYING HE COULDN'T WAIT TO MEET HIS DADDY WHICH WAS A VERY SWEET GESTURE BY MY WIFE, SUZANNE TO ANOUNCE TO ME THAT WE WERE HAVING A BABY. WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT WE WERE GOING TO HAVE, AND WE DIDN'T FIND OUT UNTIL HE POPPED OUT. SINCE THE DAY MY DAD DIED ON 12/21/91 ONE WEEK BEFORE MY 14TH BIRTHDAY, I HAVE DREAMED OF HAVING A PRECIOUS BABY BOY AND BE ABLE TO CONTINUE TO BE THE INCREDIBLE DADDY THAT MY DAD WAS TO ME FOR A FAIRLY SHORT TIME. TO BE JUST AS LOVING AND SUPPORTIVE AS HE WAS, BUT FOR HOPEFULLY MUCH, MUCH LONGER. HE HAS BEEN EVERYTHING THAT I COULD DREAM OF. HE IS ABSOLUTLY ADORABLE AND VERY WITTY AND SMART. HE DOES HAVE AN INCREDIBLE MOMMY, AND FOR THAT I AM VERY GREATFUL. I OFTEN CALL HER "MOTHER OF THE YEAR" BECAUSE SHE JUST DOES EVERYTHING RIGHT ALL THE TIME. THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT WHEN OUR MARRIAGE FELL APART AND I FILED FOR DIVORCE, SHE LEFT AND IMMEDIATELY GOT ADVICE FROM HER SISTER THAT IS A PARALEGAL, AND THEN FILED FOR TEMPORY CUSTODY UNTIL A CUSTODY HEARING WOULD BE SETTLED IN THE DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS WHICH MAY HAPPEN AROUND JUNE. SHE HAS BEEN ABLE TO USE MY CONDITION AGAINST ME TO THE POINT WHERE I AM TRYING TO DENOUNCE EVEN BEING BIPOLER. I JUST WANT TO BE A NORMAL MAN USED BY GOD WHO LOVES HIS SON AND WANTS TO BE A MAJOR PART OF HIS LIFE EVEN IF IT IS SPLIT DOWN THE MIDDLE WITH HIS MOM AND I.
I REALLY WANT TO GET TO THE POINT WHERE HIS MOM AND I CAN COEXIST AND ACTIVELY TAKE PART IN HIS LIFE TOGETHER. I WISH HER THE BEST AND WANT TO WORK WITH HER ON SOME LEVEL TO STILL RAISE OUR SON TOGETHER EVEN THOUGH OUR MARRIAGE WAS UNABLE TO DO SO.
"WELL, THAT'S ABOUT ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT"(FORREST GUMP)
MY LIFE RIGHT NOW IS ABOUT GETTING JOINT CUSTODY OF MY 3 YEAR OLD SON, DEUCE. SINCE 12/21/06, I HAVE BEEN ALLOWED BY HIS MOM TO SEE HIM FOR A TOTAL OF ABOUT 8 HOURS WITH SUPERVISED VISITATION. HE IS A MAJOR PASSION IN MY LIFE WHICH MEANS, THAT IS THE ONLY WEAPON HIS MOM CAN USE TO HURT ME SEVERLY, AND SHE HAS BEEN VERY SUCCESSFUL.
BECOMING BIPOLAR HAS SEVERLY AFFECTED MY LIFE. NOW THAT I LOOK BACK, IT STARTED WHEN HE WAS BORN ON 8/7/03. I WAS WORKING FOR A TRADER JOE'S THAT WAS 38 MILES FROM THE HOUSE, BUT I REALLY LIKED THE STORE, AND THE PEOPLE I WORKED WITH, AND IN HIND-SIGHT, I SHOULD HAVE STAYED WHERE I WAS. EXPERTS SAY THAT YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO MANY CHANGES ALONG WITH HAVING A BABY, AND NOW I KNOW WHY. I ASKED MY REGIONAL TO TRANSFER ME TO ONE OF THE 3 LOCATIONS THAT WAS WITH IN 10 MILES OF MY HOUSE SO I COULD BE CLOSER TO MY NEWBORN BABY. THAT WAS THE SINGLE MOST BIGGEST MISTAKE IN MY LIFE, AND THE POINT WHERE MY LIFE BEGAN TO CRASH FACE FIRST INTO THE EARTH.
WELL MY REGIONAL HAD A SPOT TO FILL THAT WAS 3 MILES AWAY, AND I GOT IT. I DID NOT MESH AT THE NEW STORE AND EVENTUALLY GOT FIRED AFTER AN 8 AND A HALF YEAR CAREER.
WELL, THE PROBLEM WITH ALL OF THAT, IS THAT I NEVER FELT LIKE I WAS EMOTIONALLY SUPPORTED AND ENCOURAGED BY MY WIFE DURING THIS DIFFICULT TIME IN MY LIFE. I NEEDED HER IN MY CORNER, AND IT FELT LIKE SHE WAS KICKING ME WHEN I WAS DOWN. DURING THE DECLINE AT THE NEW STORE, I WAS TAKING ON A FORM OF POST PARDOM DEPRESSION, AND SHE WAS MAKING ME FEEL COMPLETELY INADEQUATE AS A FATHER, AS A PROVIDER, AS A HUSBAND, AND AS A MAN IN GENERAL. SHE TOLD ME TO GO GET SOME HELP, SO I SOUGHT OUT A PSYCHIATRIST TO TRY AND PLEASE HER. WELL, I GOT ON ANTIDEPRESSANTS AND STARTED HAVING EPISODES OF BOLDNESS WHICH FOR ME WAS ALWAYS CENTERED AROUND JESUS CHRIST. THAT IS THE THING THAT I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO SHARE, BUT I WAS TOO SHY AND SCARED TO, AND IN MY PAST, WHEN I DID SHARE, IT ALWAYS SEEMED LIKE I PUSHED PEOPLE AWAY FROM CHRIST AND NOT GUIDE THEM TO CHRIST, SO IT FELT ANTI-PRODUCTIVE. ON THE MEDS, I DIDN'T CARE WHAT PEOPLE THOUGHT. I HAD SOMETHING TO SAY, AND I WAS GOING TO SAY IT. ONE NIGHT IT FELT LIKE MY BEST FRIEND AND MY WIFE WERE TEAMING UP AGAINST ME, SO I LEFT AND WENT TO THE MALL AND BOUGHT A LOT OF CLOTHES AND SHOES AND HATS ALL WHILE ASKING PEOPLE IF THEY KNEW WHEN THEY WERE GOING TO DIE AND TELLING THEM TO MAKE A DEFINATE DECISION ABOUT JESUS CHRIST BEFORE THAT DAY CAME. I ENDED UP AT GOLFSMITH AND GOT INTO A CONVERSATION WITH ANOTHER CUSTOMER ABOUT THE MOVIE "THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST," AND HE DIDN'T BELIEVE IT REALLY HAPPENED, AND I WAS TRYING TO CONVINCE HIM THAT IT DID. AN EMPLOYEE OVER HEARD OUR CONVERSATION AND SAID YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT THAT IN HERE, AND I WAS IN SHOCK THAT WE COULDN'T HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT A MOVIE IN A STORE. AFTER I WAS ESCORTED OUT, I HAD TOSSED MY CREDIT CARD INSIDE THE STORE BECAUSE I HAD SOME STUFF TO PURCHASE ALREADY AT THE COUNTER. SO THEY CALLED THE COPS AND I GOT TAKEN TO JAIL AND AFTER MAKING SOME LUDE COMMENTS TO THE FEMALE COP DRIVER, WHEN I GOT TO HEADQUARTERS, ABOUT 5 OF HER ASSOCIATES STOOD AROUND ME AND TOLD ME TO DANCE AS ONE OF THEM STUNNED ME WITH THE STUNN GUN. I SPENT THE NIGHT IN A HOLDING CELL AND WHEN I GOT OUT, I CHECKED MYSELF IN TO A MENTAL HOSPITAL. I WAS THERE FOR A WEEK.
BEING WITH MY SON BECAME MY MOTIVATION TO STAY IN THE UNSUPPORTIVE AND UNLOVING MARRIAGE. I BECAME ATTACHED TO HIM SINCE THE DAY MY WIFE TOOK ME OUT TO DINNER AND GAVE ME A PACKAGE WITH A LITTLE EMMITT SMITH ONESY,(WORN IN PICTURE) AND A LETTER WRITTEN FROM THE WOMB SAYING HE COULDN'T WAIT TO MEET HIS DADDY WHICH WAS A VERY SWEET GESTURE BY MY WIFE, SUZANNE TO ANOUNCE TO ME THAT WE WERE HAVING A BABY. WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT WE WERE GOING TO HAVE, AND WE DIDN'T FIND OUT UNTIL HE POPPED OUT. SINCE THE DAY MY DAD DIED ON 12/21/91 ONE WEEK BEFORE MY 14TH BIRTHDAY, I HAVE DREAMED OF HAVING A PRECIOUS BABY BOY AND BE ABLE TO CONTINUE TO BE THE INCREDIBLE DADDY THAT MY DAD WAS TO ME FOR A FAIRLY SHORT TIME. TO BE JUST AS LOVING AND SUPPORTIVE AS HE WAS, BUT FOR HOPEFULLY MUCH, MUCH LONGER. HE HAS BEEN EVERYTHING THAT I COULD DREAM OF. HE IS ABSOLUTLY ADORABLE AND VERY WITTY AND SMART. HE DOES HAVE AN INCREDIBLE MOMMY, AND FOR THAT I AM VERY GREATFUL. I OFTEN CALL HER "MOTHER OF THE YEAR" BECAUSE SHE JUST DOES EVERYTHING RIGHT ALL THE TIME. THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT WHEN OUR MARRIAGE FELL APART AND I FILED FOR DIVORCE, SHE LEFT AND IMMEDIATELY GOT ADVICE FROM HER SISTER THAT IS A PARALEGAL, AND THEN FILED FOR TEMPORY CUSTODY UNTIL A CUSTODY HEARING WOULD BE SETTLED IN THE DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS WHICH MAY HAPPEN AROUND JUNE. SHE HAS BEEN ABLE TO USE MY CONDITION AGAINST ME TO THE POINT WHERE I AM TRYING TO DENOUNCE EVEN BEING BIPOLER. I JUST WANT TO BE A NORMAL MAN USED BY GOD WHO LOVES HIS SON AND WANTS TO BE A MAJOR PART OF HIS LIFE EVEN IF IT IS SPLIT DOWN THE MIDDLE WITH HIS MOM AND I.
I REALLY WANT TO GET TO THE POINT WHERE HIS MOM AND I CAN COEXIST AND ACTIVELY TAKE PART IN HIS LIFE TOGETHER. I WISH HER THE BEST AND WANT TO WORK WITH HER ON SOME LEVEL TO STILL RAISE OUR SON TOGETHER EVEN THOUGH OUR MARRIAGE WAS UNABLE TO DO SO.
"WELL, THAT'S ABOUT ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT"(FORREST GUMP)
Replies
you sound like a really great person. i really pray everything will work out for you in the most positive way!
I really feel you when you talk about your son. My husband had temporary custody while we were separated, for 4 mo.s, and it was the worst 4 mo.s of my life. I couldn\'t believe the mediator went along with his side of the story w/o hearing mine. I do know that when it comes to custody issues that your illness cannot be used against you in any way if you are stable and being treated by a doctor. I know that for myself, regular monthly visits to my psychologist helps tremendously. Anything to show you are working on becoming stable should help you in court. I\'m not an expert, but I just hoped I could help :)