Green Smiley Monday
Hi everyone,
well my peaceful weekends came to an abrupt halt this weekend. It was a good run while it lasted, lol. The green smiley part is that I will not let it get to me and also my grandson opened up a lot about his feelings and he doesn't do that often. He usually just keeps things bottled up.
It began with my granddaughter Christina texting me to ask if she & her baby Iysabella can come & stay with me again since her mom has been on a rampage again, belittling her, calling her names etc. I said of course, without hesitation. My grandchildren will always have a place to go. That calmed down a bit so she hasn't moved in, but somehow my grandson Josh got involved and he ALWAYS defends his mother and my daughter in law thrives on the arguments & chaos. The family comes over for dinner most Sundays so by the time they all arrived Josh & Christina weren't talking (he now lives with his girlfriend but still gets caught up in all the crisis) and my DIL was quite irritable with everyone, including her 2 young children, who are only 5 & 2 years old! I will not allow it in my house so I set the boundary. I said at least while you are here you will speak to each other with respect. I again offered family meetings, (for free), since this is what I do for a living but as usual my DIL scoffed at my offer & blamed her children for all that is wrong in the world. Elaine's, (DIL), mom had joined us & she said, "please Elaine, you need the help, let Linda help you." Again, Elaine wanted no part of working toward resolution.
When they left, Joshua & his GF Chelsea stayed behind and he cried & opened up about how messed up his family is. He is expecting a baby & doesn't want his daughter involved with all this chaos. We talked about choices, loving his mom & sister but with boundaries & being an example for his young brother & sister. He cried about missing his Dad and I joined him as we cried about Ed. We ended with a "game plan" and saying the "Serenity Prayer" which was a favorite of Ed's.
So a pretty mixed weekend but I can as I told Josh, we can only love them and change how we respond to their behaviors and not buy into the crisis that my DIL creates.
Sigh....but I refuse to let them steal the serenity I have for much of the time now...
I hope you all have a good and peaceful week.
Love you!
well my peaceful weekends came to an abrupt halt this weekend. It was a good run while it lasted, lol. The green smiley part is that I will not let it get to me and also my grandson opened up a lot about his feelings and he doesn't do that often. He usually just keeps things bottled up.
It began with my granddaughter Christina texting me to ask if she & her baby Iysabella can come & stay with me again since her mom has been on a rampage again, belittling her, calling her names etc. I said of course, without hesitation. My grandchildren will always have a place to go. That calmed down a bit so she hasn't moved in, but somehow my grandson Josh got involved and he ALWAYS defends his mother and my daughter in law thrives on the arguments & chaos. The family comes over for dinner most Sundays so by the time they all arrived Josh & Christina weren't talking (he now lives with his girlfriend but still gets caught up in all the crisis) and my DIL was quite irritable with everyone, including her 2 young children, who are only 5 & 2 years old! I will not allow it in my house so I set the boundary. I said at least while you are here you will speak to each other with respect. I again offered family meetings, (for free), since this is what I do for a living but as usual my DIL scoffed at my offer & blamed her children for all that is wrong in the world. Elaine's, (DIL), mom had joined us & she said, "please Elaine, you need the help, let Linda help you." Again, Elaine wanted no part of working toward resolution.
When they left, Joshua & his GF Chelsea stayed behind and he cried & opened up about how messed up his family is. He is expecting a baby & doesn't want his daughter involved with all this chaos. We talked about choices, loving his mom & sister but with boundaries & being an example for his young brother & sister. He cried about missing his Dad and I joined him as we cried about Ed. We ended with a "game plan" and saying the "Serenity Prayer" which was a favorite of Ed's.
So a pretty mixed weekend but I can as I told Josh, we can only love them and change how we respond to their behaviors and not buy into the crisis that my DIL creates.
Sigh....but I refuse to let them steal the serenity I have for much of the time now...
I hope you all have a good and peaceful week.
Love you!
Replies
Linda, you offer your love and a safe haven for everyone that crosses your path. I am so sorry that this happened as I know how it can just take a huge chunk of life force energy to set those healthy boundaries and let others know they are bridges and not walls as you do. I\'m not sure you realize how you are constantly teaching and guiding because this is who you are and how you choose to live your life. You are a living and breathing example of this.
I have come to believe that there are people in this world that thrive on chaos. It is their \"drug of choice\" and it is not mine nor yours. To find the peace within the midst is a conscious choice and I think what bothers me the most when reading your journal today is how Elaine is blaming her children for her \"stuff.\" I hope and pray that she gets help and you have generously offered and if not with you, then someone.
Joshua can heal the generational wounds and does not have to carry this chaos forth with his unborn child. It can stop today and he can teach a new way. This is his choice and one I feel he longs to make.
I know that you are standing beside your loved ones dear Linda, and I ask that you continue to care as lovingly for yourself as you do others. Fill yourself all that you can dear friend.
Love and peace in the midst,
Joanie
Oh Linda, If your daughter inlaw only knew the damage she is creating in her childrens life...I will pray she can get some help for those kids sake...Thank God they have you for a grandmother, so much love and guidance you can give them. Love & Hugs, Kelly
There\'s one in every family -- the trouble maker, angry, bitter, hateful, and impossible to reach. Sad for the little ones, I hope this woman controls herself at home with those babies. Pray for her.
Thank you Linda, I so agree with your determination that your peace will not be stolen. It is so important to take care of your still and always grieving mother\'s heart. As you know, my daughter lives with me and she is up and down and all over the place with her emotions.....can I send her to you for your wise counsel? ;)
I know you must be the stabilizing force in your family situation. It is special that Ed\'s son could open up to you and that he cares about the kind of life his child will have in the family dynamic of things. I pray it will be better for all......put me on your prayer list....love to you and sweet son, Ed...dale, brandon\'s mom
Your Grandchildren are lucky to have you. Hugs and love to you friend, Angela
OH Linda family chaos is so hard to bear. We all have it in some way. The serenity prayer is the best, it says it all. I know that you and I just want harmony and peace so we can enjoy the people in our family. Thank God your Grandchildren have you. It\'s so good that you will take them in and give them love if they need a place. I would do the same in a heart beat. Sending love and I hope things calm down with you DIL very soon. Terry
It takes strength of character, wisdom, and self respect to set boundries for how you allow others to treat you/act in front of you. I applaude you for insisting that while in your home and in your presence, everyone would behave themselves. I am encouraged by Joshua\'s willingness to open up and am proud of his realization of how family dynamics can cause a lot of heartache for children, and for he and you coming up with a game plan to create a happier, calmer enviroment for himself and his baby once she gets here. Only when we see TRUTH...in ourselves and in others, AND are willing to follow through with the necessary changes...can we truly find peace. I wish for PEACE to settle once again in the hearts of your family members and joy fill your home as it should. Love and Light to you dear one~~Teri.
You are very brave! love ya, abby
I\'m a bit confused about who everyone is but absolutely clear on what a rock and inspiration you are to everyone in your family (to me too!) ~ a blessing in the most profound sense of the word!
Your wisdom, compassion, concern, ability to reach out to each and every person in your world, all wrapped up in limitless love ~ wow!
It\'s frustrating, but these setbacks happen to all of us ~ you will find your green smiley again ~ soon!
I add my voice to the Serenity Prayer and send much love and big, tight hugs to you, Ed, and all of the grandchildren and great-grandchildren ~ Debbie
I absolutely agree with your statement, \" we can only love them and change how we respond to their behaviors and not buy into the crisis (...\") Buying into the crisis, just gets everybody rattled! I know this firsthand, and am refusing to agree to someone else\'s self-imposed \"crisis\" and all of the energy zapping that takes when it could be used much more productively.
I think you are an angel to your family, Linda...they should wholeheartedly take you up on your excellent training and skills in this matter. \"A prophet is not respected in his own family\" though...otherwise they\'d be all over you in taking up your offer to help reestablish peace.
I love how you \"set the boundary\" and expect respect to be given to one another while in YOUR home. You are firm, and yet so compassionate by letting Christina have a \"safe\" haven to go to. Just knowing that she CAN... goes enormously toward a feeling of being able to cope, I believe.
I hope that the emotions will de-escalate but with the upcoming holidays, it may be after that. People\'s emotions (sometimes fueled by substances) can get so sky-high during these Norman Rockwell commercialized times...
I believe you did an excellent job of remaining in control, even though so torn by seeing the ruptures in motion and the horror of innocent babes involved in the scrapping.
It does make me wonder though, \"Who takes care of Linda, when Linda isn\'t feeling strong and feeling extra sad about Eddie\"--indulge yourself whenever possible Linda, if human relief isn\'t forthcoming these days with Ken having his own trial by fire...You deserve it!
Much love Linda-- to my caring and so competent friend! Donna
Family do present their challenges, don\'t they. I know that YOUR family is blessed to have you as a member. I think that they could truly benefit from your wisdom. I love that you are not going to allow \"their\" drama to become yours...that is a real accomplishment. They may learn simply by your example. Love and hugs...Karen
If only your DIL could step outside her circle and look in to see what she is doing, but we dont always have that ability. At lest Josua has you as his rock. I know you will teach them how to live in a calm environment to bring up their baby with love and calmness. An environment that reaps a health child ( mentally and physically).
Wish you peace and joy
Hugs Penny
Linda, I hope that your DIL will listen and take your advice for her sake and the sake of her children. You are right to expect them to speak while in your home. I\'m glad that Josh feels so comfortable with you and is able to sit and talk to you like that. That is important and says a lot for your relationship with him. Sending you a hug and hopes of peace. Thinking of you and your sweet Ed. Love, Kim
Dear Linda: I saw the photos! What a beautiful family. Natalie and Ysabella will be playmates! Missed seeing a photo of (shall I say it?) great grandmother and Natalie!
Hugs, Marlene