Sunday
So the "Mother of all days" is fast approaching on Sunday. (I mean no disrespect to anyone, its just my warped sense of humor showing). This holiday is a rough one as I know it is for my sisters of the heart who have children in Heaven as well as some of my other dear friends on DS who have moms in Heaven.
I have a plan as I usually do for the rough days. I will skip church as I cannot bear the "Mother of all days" festivities. I will go to the cemetery and leave a letter for Ed and tell him how much I love and miss him & I will clean up his stone and decorate it with fresh flowers I grew myself and cry. But its Ok now. This is now a part of my life. As my wise grief counselor told me I would eventually integrate my loss into my life and although I will never get used to it, I sort of know what she means now.
Then I will try & make the best of it. As you all know this is Christina, my granddaughter's first mother's day so I do want to celebrate her & Iysabella as they deserve nothing less. I am giving her flowers & a gift to mark her day. Its so important - this first one. We will take my DIL & Christina to dinner & I will do my best to enjoy their joy & enjoy being a part of it. I know my sweet grandson Joshua and Christina will give me a card and a gift as they always have & I am grateful to have grandchildren.
On Saturday my adopted daughter Donna, her hubby Derek & my adopted grandchildren, Kyle and Walter are coming over for dinner & Donna, who has lost her mom & me who has lost my child will be a comfort to each other. I have a nice card & gift for her. She is a wonderful mommy. :)
On Friday, I wll stop by my mother's and give her a card & gift. For my new friends my mother and I have a very strained relationship. For my own sanity I do not see her very much as she can be very cruel, but she is quite elderly and I feel I owe her for giving me life.
Sunday after all is over, thank goodness, I will come home, sob and write a journal, probably. I will light a candle of gratitude for all I have and in honor of my son and all our sons and daughters and moms who have gone on before us. And pray that we all continue to heal.
I wish all of you a manageable day on Sunday. Sending love and peace, Linda
I have a plan as I usually do for the rough days. I will skip church as I cannot bear the "Mother of all days" festivities. I will go to the cemetery and leave a letter for Ed and tell him how much I love and miss him & I will clean up his stone and decorate it with fresh flowers I grew myself and cry. But its Ok now. This is now a part of my life. As my wise grief counselor told me I would eventually integrate my loss into my life and although I will never get used to it, I sort of know what she means now.
Then I will try & make the best of it. As you all know this is Christina, my granddaughter's first mother's day so I do want to celebrate her & Iysabella as they deserve nothing less. I am giving her flowers & a gift to mark her day. Its so important - this first one. We will take my DIL & Christina to dinner & I will do my best to enjoy their joy & enjoy being a part of it. I know my sweet grandson Joshua and Christina will give me a card and a gift as they always have & I am grateful to have grandchildren.
On Saturday my adopted daughter Donna, her hubby Derek & my adopted grandchildren, Kyle and Walter are coming over for dinner & Donna, who has lost her mom & me who has lost my child will be a comfort to each other. I have a nice card & gift for her. She is a wonderful mommy. :)
On Friday, I wll stop by my mother's and give her a card & gift. For my new friends my mother and I have a very strained relationship. For my own sanity I do not see her very much as she can be very cruel, but she is quite elderly and I feel I owe her for giving me life.
Sunday after all is over, thank goodness, I will come home, sob and write a journal, probably. I will light a candle of gratitude for all I have and in honor of my son and all our sons and daughters and moms who have gone on before us. And pray that we all continue to heal.
I wish all of you a manageable day on Sunday. Sending love and peace, Linda
Replies
Thanks for this journal, Linda. It speaks to me because, you are so determined to keep going, to make future plans with the people in your life who are with you and who love you, as well as finding a place for Ed on the \"Mother of all Days\" as you put it. It is so hard....your journal is a testament to how important it is to plan and get ready for the hard days. Even if it is just lighting a candle or visiting the grave...it is important to make the plan because if you don\'t, it can come crashing down on you in a second. I am going to work on my plan right now...thank you so much for writing this. Love and Peace, Anne
Thank you Linda. I am not looking forward to it. On top of it, Lisa and Harvey\'s anniversary was on the 9th. I may spend Sunday with a bridesmaid of Lisa and her children. She invited us to picnic with them. She learned last week that her brother had been murdered so I will have something else to focus on.
Like you I will come home, light a candle and cry.
Love and hugs, Marlene
Linda, it sounds as though you\'re getting yourself as prepared as possible. I knew last year would be tough, but it was far worse than I had prepared for. I\'m trying to get myself a plan for the day, but haven\'t yet. I\'m so happy for you that you have those precious grandchildren and DIL to spend some time with. Sending you hugs and love, Valerie
Linda, I admire your perseverence and your plans to be there for others close to you. I love that you are writing Eddie a letter. I think it is good for us to keep talking and loving our boys. Have as nice a weekend as possible, knowing that Heaven holds many mothers and many mothers\' children. God bless you sweet friend....you are a natural encourager....love and hugs forever to you and Eddie....dale, brandon\'s mom
Only do what you can handle, if it gets too much, go home early and cry.....((hugs)) Nora
Wow ~ those a big plans for the weekend! Sounds like there will be lots of time for joy, mixed with a bit of melancholy ~ but that\'s okay too. As you are learning from your grief counselor ~ you are integrating the loss into your life.
Blessings and much love to you, sweet Eddie and your entire beautiful family ~ Debbie
Great Idea to plan for these \"special\" days - I just wish I could come up with something to soothe my daughter through this - another \"first\" for her. She is trying - GOD bless her and all of us here as we approach this Mother of a Day! Love to you and all your family - Suzzanne
I\'m proud of you! You reminded me today that its okay for our days to have joy and tears, walking beside you hand in hand. Hugs and love, Lynette
oooooh Linda, I am glad you have a plan. I am so sorry it is filled with sorrow but also small pieces of joy and people you can enjoy. Mother\'s Day is bittersweet for me too. I want to pretend it doesn\'t exist. On Mother\'s Day several years ago, Josh went to his brother house. His brother lives within a mile of us and they were going to come over together. Josh picked up his brother\'s dog and his back gripped him in pain. We kept getting updates from Chris calling from the ER. Mother\'s Day is the day that Josh began on his long journey of pain which led to pain meds that ultimately took his life. ~Leda
We will all manage the day in our own way. We were all lucky to have our chldren in our lives just not so lucky to have lost them. We all have too many kisses reserved for them. Let us be grateful for the time we had. Difficult, I know. Much love to each and every mother. Fill that emptiness with a kind deed. Your child and heart will feel the benefits. Many hugs, Peggy
My son, Jacob, never remembered mothers\' day, they don\'t do it in Israel, where mothers are lauded every Friday night. When he lived here he didn\'t remember it either. So I\'m glad there are three other kids to send flowers, get my car cleaned (that\'s what I asked for), and call up if I\'m lucky with the fourth!
Feels as if you are indeed intergrating with the creating of new memories along with honoring Ed. Mother\'s Day has a special meaning for me because my daughter was born on the Friday before Mother\'s Day in 1985 and I took her home on Mother\'s Day. What a gift that is! We will be going to our beloved red rock desert tonight for our first camping trip of the season. Our daughter and family will be going too. We will celebrate her birthday, Mother\'s Day and yet what I\'m needing most of all is our hike to where we have Doug\'s urn tucked into a niche in the red rock. Tears always come, so many memories and that ache in our hearts... you are so right that we must just do what feels nurturing for us and give ourselves the wiggle room to bail if needed. I\'ll be thinking of you, Linda, as you visit where Ed is buried and I love that you are taking home grown flowers. Always gentle care dear friend and our hearts are all woven together so perhaps that will help the steady beat to continue... Lots of love, Joanie
You are planning to be quite the busy bee this Mother\'s Day! I think it is so kind of you to be thinking of so many others, both of their loss and of their joy, and being responsive to the needs of both. I hope that what you have planned for you, to help you, gives you the comfort and peace that you so deserve Linda!
Loving you and Eddie, Donna
My Mom died on Mother\'s Day in 1987 and I\'ve dreaded that day ever since. Now I\'m dreading it because my son Jason is no longer on the Earth with me. Other than getting a big hug and maybe a plant from my son Jim, I don\'t think I will be doing anything and I\'m fine with that. Terry
Sounds like a good plan...and I think having a plan is very wise. And, I like that you scheduled time for grieving....when you need it...love to you...Karen