I am very anxious about my 1st Mother's day without my son Eddie. My mother who is 88 so I forgive her said, "What are we doing for mother's day?" I explained that this is the 1st Mother's Day without my only child. My mother felt bad for mentioning mother's day & I said its Ok, you weren't thinking. I will be giving her a gift of course, but that day I'm sure will be difficult. I am grateful for the 37 years I had my son & I am grateful that I have 2 grandchildren, but still... I know all of you understand.
So after I had talked to my mother on the phone I cried. Ken, (my fiancee) & I decided to go for a walk. I drove to the park, but I was still crying as we walked. I said to Ken, "I'm not a mother anymore." I continued to cry as we walked toward the entrance to the park. I looked over at a car parked there. The license plate read, "Mymama". I was so excited. I believe it was a sign from Eddie that I am still a mom. Not the way I wish it could be with him physically here, but his signs let me know he is Ok. I just want him to be safe & happy with the Lord. I am so sad he lost his life so young & I have faith that he lives on in Heaven, but sometimes my faith wavers.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for all the years I had the honor of having my son here with me. Thank you for the sign that I will always be his mom. Please tell Eddie I love him & thank you for allowing him to send me signs. Thank you that he is there with you safe & happy & without pain. Please help me to have faith when my faith is shakey.
In Jesus Name. Amen
So after I had talked to my mother on the phone I cried. Ken, (my fiancee) & I decided to go for a walk. I drove to the park, but I was still crying as we walked. I said to Ken, "I'm not a mother anymore." I continued to cry as we walked toward the entrance to the park. I looked over at a car parked there. The license plate read, "Mymama". I was so excited. I believe it was a sign from Eddie that I am still a mom. Not the way I wish it could be with him physically here, but his signs let me know he is Ok. I just want him to be safe & happy with the Lord. I am so sad he lost his life so young & I have faith that he lives on in Heaven, but sometimes my faith wavers.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for all the years I had the honor of having my son here with me. Thank you for the sign that I will always be his mom. Please tell Eddie I love him & thank you for allowing him to send me signs. Thank you that he is there with you safe & happy & without pain. Please help me to have faith when my faith is shakey.
In Jesus Name. Amen
Replies
Yes, you are still a mama. It will never cease to be. Mother\'s Day was soon after my son\'s death last year. It was by far the most difficult of holidays and I expect it will be always....my mother has alzheimers and has forgotten Brandon died....last time I saw her which was last November (she lives far from me so I don\'t see her often) I told her he would always be 29 when she asked how old is he. It is hard. And yes, I am here to tell you our faith wavers after the death of our children. I always thought I had a strong one until I was tested. I really don\'t think I have passed this test very well. I have anger issues with God the Almighty. I have to constantly ask for His forgiveness. Thank you or sharing your heart. I wish you well....and my heart will be with you during Mother\'s Day. It most definitely be a day I will not attend church. They honor the mothers who have their children and tend to forget those of us who have lost....it stabs my heart\'s soul. I learned the hard way last year and will never go back on Mother\'s Day. Way tooooooo sad for me. Love and hugs, dale....brandon\'s mom
That is a beautiful sign from your son...he IS telling you that you will forever be his mom. I love it when our children communicate with us this way. I hope that Mothers Day will be as gentle as it can be...love to you...Karen
Eddie will always be your Son & you will always be his mother that will always be the same If the Lord is testing us I know there is a lot of us that will flunk But I think our Lord Jesus understands & knows how we are hurting & lashing out I certainly hope so Good luck on Mohers day& pray for peace Sunrogsmom Ann
Once a mom always a mom .I struggled a long time with the question from others \" how many kids do you have\" and now I know the answer is 2 cause there is just no way that I would not count my dead son.
Your mother asked a very appropriate question . I think all questions from the heart are good questions. It may not be a question we are ready for or like ...I remember my first mothers day without my Richard and I sobbed , I hurt so much , the pain at times was like a knife cutting my heart open, in other words it was awful. Each additional year it still hurts but the severity has lessened.
I want to wish you an early \"happy mothers day\" and also to your mom. Hugs, Inga
You are and will always be a mom,,,good thing you saw the plate,,you needed that sign and that time,,,I am also dreading Mother\'s day..one more day to feel sad...I understand,,,peace to you Nora
Your son will be with you in your heart on Mother\'s day and every day for the rest of your life here on earth and then you will reunited to be together for eternity. You will always be his Mom. I wish you peace, strength and love.
There is a beautiful quote that reads: \"Fathers have heads, but mothers have hearts; and hearts will know things that heads never can understand.\" You will always always always be a mother, Eddies mother. You have a heart that understands and you continue to share your heart with each of us and for that I\'m thankful. I love the sign that you were given. Love to you. Robin
Thank you all for your support & love. I too have decided that I am not going to church on Mother\'s day. I just told Ken that yesterday. All the years I was given a carnation at my church for being a mom. That license plate from Eddie is my gift this year. I just know I\'ll run outta that church sobbing on Mother\'s day & I know God understands. I know Mother\'s day will be hard on all of us, but we are survivors & will make our kids proud. I will send extra prayers & extra, extra love to all of you that day. You are right, he will always be my son & I his mother & I look forward to the day that I see him again in Heaven. I adore all of you -thanks for your help. Linda
Linda, Mother\'s Day is one of the very hardest days for me. I probably will not go to church that day either because I know I will cry throughout the service. You are a mom and will always be Eddie\'s mom! What a wonderful sign you received letting you know so. Hugs to you...Love, Kim
How wonderful to receive a sign from your son Eddie, I lost my son Dec 30th, 2009. Even though I have 3 other children, my son Kenny is still my baby and I am still his mom as you too are Eddie\'s mom. I am so sorry for your pain. I am still in the process of trying to wrap this around my head and I know Mother\'s Day will be hard for all of us. Hopefully I will receive a sign too. Take care, Sandi
thank you for your kind words and sending me hugs. I am glad you were blessed with 37 years with your son and I am glad that your are blessed with 2 beautiful grandchildren. Mothers day will be hard but I hear it at times can be easier. I have not yet found that to be true. Even though he has been gone for almost 5 years. He too was my only child and I too was blessed to have him in my life for 15 plus years. but now I am lost and I feel like I am no longer a mom with a future with a son..
Thank you all for listening. It means a lot.
Once a mom, always a mom! AND a mom with a sign besides!! You know, My next door neighbor has a son who lives/works in China--might as well be the moon for as often as his family gets to see him. On a daily basis, they just have to have faith that he is alright-pretty much like we do... What if our children were astronauts exploring other galaxies? Can you imagine how proud we\'d all be of our kids, but how rarely we\'d see or hear from them?
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder--I look at you and think, Wow! At least Eddie lived to be 37, (9 more wonderful yrs than my son) and he left you grandchildren!! You could look at me and say, \"But you had 2 children and only lost one (and I do have a granddaughter from my daughter, but for medical reasons she will have to be the only one.) There are some moms on FMO who lost their only child who left no grandchildren... Maybe some who\'ve lost more than one child and also will never have grandchildren. The scenarios here are many and varied. Somehow we learn to cope with whatever our situation is. But the fact that you joined a website entitled FORMOMSONLY tells me that you will always think of yourself as Eddie\'s mom, because the truth is YOU STILL ARE!! Love and a BIG HUG, Cherie
So true, Cherie. I am grateful for every minute that I had Eddie with me. Some people want children & are not blessed with them. I do not believe you can qualify loss. Loss is painful for all of us & we\'d grieve the child we lost I\'m sure the same way even if we had 20 children. So many different scenarios, but the pain is the same, deep & profound.I like the analogy of having faith to believe our kids are alright even though we can\'t see them much like your neighbor. Even better for us as believers to know the creator has prepared a place for them. Thank you for your words of encouragement. Love & hugs right back at you! Linda