Just wanted to jot down some feelings. It is hard to express what I feel on a daily basis. I have such a range now. One of the things I can't shake although I'm working on it in therapy it the guilt that I should've known Eddie was sick & insisted he go to a doctor. In my rational brain when I saw him the day before he passed away, I know he wasn't sick, complaining of chest pain or a headache or anything out of the ordinary. My grandchildren were with him until the early morning hours on the day he passed away & they didn't observe anything out of the ordinary. Then sometime after they left he died suddenly. It is so hard to understand how someone can be fine & then dead! I am so angry about that! I can't get over that as a mom I should've protected him. We still don't have the autopsy report - its been 13 weeks. The medical examiner's office in Boston sent us a letter stating they are very backed up. The EMT's told us at my son's home where he was found that it was natural causes. Its so unfair that our children had to pass so young. I thank all of you for listening and for your support. You are all in my prayers.