Just wanted to jot down some feelings. It is hard to express what I feel on a daily basis. I have such a range now. One of the things I can't shake although I'm working on it in therapy it the guilt that I should've known Eddie was sick & insisted he go to a doctor. In my rational brain when I saw him the day before he passed away, I know he wasn't sick, complaining of chest pain or a headache or anything out of the ordinary. My grandchildren were with him until the early morning hours on the day he passed away & they didn't observe anything out of the ordinary. Then sometime after they left he died suddenly. It is so hard to understand how someone can be fine & then dead! I am so angry about that! I can't get over that as a mom I should've protected him. We still don't have the autopsy report - its been 13 weeks. The medical examiner's office in Boston sent us a letter stating they are very backed up. The EMT's told us at my son's home where he was found that it was natural causes. Its so unfair that our children had to pass so young. I thank all of you for listening and for your support. You are all in my prayers.
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No matter what the circumstances as mothers we feel we should have been able to protect our child. It\'s very difficult to accept it was out of our control. I still find it hard to wrap my brain around what has happened, some days I just stay in denial. All we can do is try to get through one day at a time. Love and hugs to you, Sue
From my experience, everyone I had talked with, has had some sort of guilt when losing a child. The thought of never being with our children for the rest of our lifes, plus that horrible guilt of, \"I should of\" or \"I could of\" and the \"only if\'s\", and the \"Why Why Why\'s, will drive us insane...I also noticed this DS site is XTRA busy through Christmas & New Year\'s...But WE ALL can do this together... DS has been a Godsend for me, without DS and all the wonderful Moms, I don\'t know where I would be....I\'am soooo sorry for the loss of your son, life just doesn\'t seem fair.. Hang in there!! Love, Kelly
You are in my prayers as well. I know you feel that somehow you should have known your son was sick...but there is no way for you to know. You would have to have a crystal ball. It would be like saying I should have protected Alex from his accident. I never wanted him to have a motorcycle...but there is no way I could truly know IF he would be a person killed or one of the million that ride a lifetime and don\'t die. Somehow you need to stop that thought process that is allowing you to think about protecting him. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. I think that it is normal to go through these feelings because you are grieving and feeling everything...but don\'t stay on that one. You are in deep sorrow now and you miss your son...and it is unfair...and it is so sad that they had to die before us...just allow yourself to go through all of the emotions...and any day that you can take moments NOT to think about it...allow it...love and peace to you...Karen
i am so sorry for your loss, and i understand the guilt. my son was struggling with some things and i didnt feel i was there for him. i have guilt for past mistakes.
God bless you my friend, love, donna