So yesterday I went to the doctor to get antidepressants. I am looking forwrd to starting them. The odd things I now look forwrd to. I don't feel I have much else right now. I am at work and a horrible wave of grief & pain & reality hit. I will never see my child, my beloved son again in this life. And I hate it. I hate that he died at 37, I hate that his chidren are grieving their father and I hate, hate, hate that I must accept that I must make a life without him. Why can't I wake up from this torture, this nightmare that will never go away. Lord Jesus please tell Eddie that I love him and give me strength to get through the day. Thank you. Eddie, I love you and miss you. At times I still can't believe you're gone. I am so sorry your life was cut short. My hope in God is that I'll see you again someday. Love always, Mom xxoo