Last night was horrible. I had been hurting all day, not just physically either. When I got home I made dinner and as I was cleaning up I bent over to get something and as I stood up I guess I moved to fast. As soon as I stood up I felt this ripping and tearing sensation and then the pain hit. It was so bad I went down to my knees and could not move, I finally was able to crawl to the bathroom.....I was in agony the entire rest of the night.....At one point I was sobbing so hard I almost hyperventilated, My entire body was shaking and poor Justin was so worried, I just kept saying, OMG it hurts it hurts....Please make it stop, it never stops, it never stops.....I told him I can't take this anymore, I just can't take it.....I felt so bad his brother, his brother's wife, and his dad came over to watch a game and I was in bed the entire time....I could not move, he had to come and help me to the bathroom because the pain was so bad I could not walk....and the pain when I peed oh it was horrible, it would take him 5 minutes to convince me to get up off the toilet but it hurt so bad I did not want to move. I can't take it anymore.....I just can't handle this, I mean the pain, it OMG, it is just.....I honestly do not know how a body can withstand such agony....if I could of gotten ahold of a knife last night I probably would of cut my bladder out, along with the rest of my disease ridden organs.....All I wanted was it out of me.....Justin kept asking me if there was anything else I needed and I said yes, but you won't do it....and he said you are right I am not putting you out of your misery.....I begged for deaths relief last night....I begged for God to just take me.....You know it is sad when a person is in so much pain they would welcome death with open arms to just have some relief.  I hate so much what this shit is doing not only to me but everyone around me. and truth be told I am just not to sure how much more I can take....I am so wore out and my body is too....I am still in a great deal of pain today....I am begining to think I am never going to get the relief I so badly need.