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It's 2:30 am...can't sleep pain.. and brain in high gear... train in the switch yard rumble along all nite laooooonnnnngggg... sounds like thunder to my almost deaf ears....sometimes a new engineer will rattle my bones when those box cars slam together....
i actually have to straighten couple pictures on the wall some times the appartment gets jarded so hard.. scars my doggy and she wants to hide..clings to me sometimes like a frighten child..
Gosh I feel so alone...oh well still riding my bike...just not as much as I want.. got other things going on.. so that takes away from the free wheeling down the ole trails.. but I still get around the block a time or two...spend a lot of time talkin to myself.. most the time I'm fussin cause a dropped the hammer of a tool.. put things together backwards.. or split a piece of wood .. dang I hate those splinters .. oouch..
Sure wish I could get some kind of controll over my life my weight..I miss my kids.. just don't feel like I fit in anymore ... Oldest son still only come around most the time when he needs someting..
DJ seems to be going backwards as of late..since he got fired he like kinda withdrew into his room... hide in there a lot...startin to make a little progress again.. but he need Dad to remind him of everything.. hold his hand kinda thing..it's difficult for him he's just startin to open up about things like how he sees things.. like mowin grass he leaves streaks because the green runs together all he sees is green.. hard to tell where he mowed before..
his life is about perception.. and his is different from most folks.. sure feel for him.. oh well.. we gonna make it some how..
later best wishes all Russ
i actually have to straighten couple pictures on the wall some times the appartment gets jarded so hard.. scars my doggy and she wants to hide..clings to me sometimes like a frighten child..
Gosh I feel so alone...oh well still riding my bike...just not as much as I want.. got other things going on.. so that takes away from the free wheeling down the ole trails.. but I still get around the block a time or two...spend a lot of time talkin to myself.. most the time I'm fussin cause a dropped the hammer of a tool.. put things together backwards.. or split a piece of wood .. dang I hate those splinters .. oouch..
Sure wish I could get some kind of controll over my life my weight..I miss my kids.. just don't feel like I fit in anymore ... Oldest son still only come around most the time when he needs someting..
DJ seems to be going backwards as of late..since he got fired he like kinda withdrew into his room... hide in there a lot...startin to make a little progress again.. but he need Dad to remind him of everything.. hold his hand kinda thing..it's difficult for him he's just startin to open up about things like how he sees things.. like mowin grass he leaves streaks because the green runs together all he sees is green.. hard to tell where he mowed before..
his life is about perception.. and his is different from most folks.. sure feel for him.. oh well.. we gonna make it some how..
later best wishes all Russ
Replies
Russ sorry to see you been hurting and your mind and thoughts getting the best of you...I so wish you could feel better about things...about yourself!!! See yourself as others see you! It does stink when people only come around when they want something and I can only imagine how it feels when it is your own child. I see it as their lost although I know that doesn\'t make you feel , better! If only I had that magic wand!!! Hope DJ starts to make more progress, I know that was an awful thing they did to him! I wish you both all the best always!!!! You two take care!!! ~~~~BIG HUGS~~~~
thanks Micheale..you are my sunshine my only sunshine...best wishes to you and your family too...
8) thanks!!! :) ....have a great day my friend...hugsssss
Russ i\'am here for you my friend and for JD.You have always had a special place in my heart dear friend.Sunshine is right it is not your loss but your son\'s.You are a good man and a loving father you deserve the best of everything.So does Dj,I wish you peace and love and contentment.
Hugs Rachel