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It's 2:30 am...can't sleep pain.. and brain in high gear... train in the switch yard rumble along all nite laooooonnnnngggg... sounds like thunder to my almost deaf ears....sometimes a new engineer will rattle my bones when those box cars slam together....
i actually have to straighten couple pictures on the wall some times the appartment gets jarded so hard.. scars my doggy and she wants to hide..clings to me sometimes like a frighten child..
Gosh I feel so alone...oh well still riding my bike...just not as much as I want.. got other things going on.. so that takes away from the free wheeling down the ole trails.. but I still get around the block a time or two...spend a lot of time talkin to myself.. most the time I'm fussin cause a dropped the hammer of a tool.. put things together backwards.. or split a piece of wood .. dang I hate those splinters .. oouch..
Sure wish I could get some kind of controll over my life my weight..I miss my kids.. just don't feel like I fit in anymore ... Oldest son still only come around most the time when he needs someting..
DJ seems to be going backwards as of late..since he got fired he like kinda withdrew into his room... hide in there a lot...startin to make a little progress again.. but he need Dad to remind him of everything.. hold his hand kinda thing..it's difficult for him he's just startin to open up about things like how he sees things.. like mowin grass he leaves streaks because the green runs together all he sees is green.. hard to tell where he mowed before..
his life is about perception.. and his is different from most folks.. sure feel for him.. oh well.. we gonna make it some how..
later best wishes all Russ
i actually have to straighten couple pictures on the wall some times the appartment gets jarded so hard.. scars my doggy and she wants to hide..clings to me sometimes like a frighten child..
Gosh I feel so alone...oh well still riding my bike...just not as much as I want.. got other things going on.. so that takes away from the free wheeling down the ole trails.. but I still get around the block a time or two...spend a lot of time talkin to myself.. most the time I'm fussin cause a dropped the hammer of a tool.. put things together backwards.. or split a piece of wood .. dang I hate those splinters .. oouch..
Sure wish I could get some kind of controll over my life my weight..I miss my kids.. just don't feel like I fit in anymore ... Oldest son still only come around most the time when he needs someting..
DJ seems to be going backwards as of late..since he got fired he like kinda withdrew into his room... hide in there a lot...startin to make a little progress again.. but he need Dad to remind him of everything.. hold his hand kinda thing..it's difficult for him he's just startin to open up about things like how he sees things.. like mowin grass he leaves streaks because the green runs together all he sees is green.. hard to tell where he mowed before..
his life is about perception.. and his is different from most folks.. sure feel for him.. oh well.. we gonna make it some how..
later best wishes all Russ
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