I sit here and stare at this keyboard...so many thoughts going thru my mind...

My chat with my therapist has sure dug up several questions I'm not sure how to answer... think some of em are still clouded by anger...

more of an denial anger... or why me....rite....

So many questions.... I wonder if an answer is nessecary...

Thirty years ago...

We took off outta Jasper Arkansas... the three of us in a old ford van... first stop was the bank in Jasper... we were the janitoral crew... we were all together tonite because we had a stripp job to do in Green Forest... Bob's IGA... yepp... we hit Harrison after the bank, clean and vaccum a couple of offices at the air port... and headet up toward Green Forest...

It's a long drive, and I'm wondering what the hell am I doing...
livin in a camper feedin hogs for the rent... and workin one nite a week for a janitor for eighty buck a month... and I only got paid once a month... Jeeeez...but his sister in-law was cute... an I liked her... a lot...

It was late when we arrived... we had like four hours to get the job done... the three of us... so we unloaded the strippin machine.. mops and buckets... and we was off to scrupville on that floor in Bob's IGA...

My boss was tellin me I need to cool my heals about his sister in-law cause she wouldn't be interested in me cause I wasn't a Jehovah's Witness and well she and he was lol...

Me guess I like a challenge lol...

So I told him hold my mop and watch this...

Hey... Debb... you know that little camper gets kinda cold on the winter nites..

She said Yeah so what...

Well I said I need an electric blanket to keep me warm... One with a life time gaurantee... no refunds and no returns...

She said..... SO...?

I hollered .... Debb will you be my electric blanket.......?

YEAH... she hollered back across those ilses... and well the rest my friends is history... Twenty five years and four beautiful children... and a life time of memories...

I'd do it all over again in a second... so guess that answers that question...

the question is now who the hell did I divorce lol... (music of the twilight Zone).....

maybe my therapist is wondering how I gone eight years without any kind of relationship... guess it is kinda weird... mean gee I've been kinda busy with raisin a son and my disability...

I've never cared for the Charlie Harper attitude towards sex... (two and a half men)... funny show, but sometimes it chaps my hide... yepp.

I'm kinda hopin I'll find that special someone... someday... and I pray this one will be for the rest of my life... someone to share one day at a time with. To comfort and be there for, no matter what... I'm gonna leave the superman up to the young men of this world... and settle in for the grump pa role....

each day I just struggle to free my heart and mind of the anger and hate my abusive past likes to dragg up ever so often...
I'm proud of myself... because my past does not dictate my life...
my children were not subjected to the verbal, physical and neglect of my past...

well hands are stingin and goin numb... kinda like my brain...

and oh that electric blanket... hehehe somebody stole it lol....
heard some shockin stories about it too lol... way funny lol...


I feel a little better today.. still 401, but hey....

have a great day.
and thanks for just being there...

russ