Well just a shot in the dark here...
I'm still battling with depression...
Been a heck of a week..
It's the holiday season I think... Thanksgiving and all... yeppers, that was a big time for my family back when... I had one.
Now I sit alone, kids never write or call. (i think well no news is good news) I pray I'm right.
It's funny I was always defending their mom... my ex... telling em to love ya mom. Your mom is specail. bah bah bah....
Now in my old age, I'm jealous their mom lol... yeah I am... I taught my kids to live and forgive... and heck I can't even pratice what I taught... and I got to deal with this dam depression on top of that...
Well guess that's part of divorce and being betrayed... guess the wedding vows should be changed... instead of death do you part...maybe they should be...life do you part... part of life... geez brain... where do this chit come from... must be the mushroom I ate last nite... lol.. nawe they were canned, stems and pieces... pput em in the firm-n-chetty... so you spell it lol.. to early for me...
Sides I doing what i always do, grin and bear it... Yeah... when I'm depressed I try not to dwell on the negative things like why the kids don't like dad better... I loved my DAD with all my heart... but I wasn't allowed to be with my dad... didn't even see him for 23 years... spent seven wonderful years with my dad after I grew up.... dam I miss that man... wish I was like him more... never complained... of whined... stood his ground poor and proud... got a bit ticked at the system at times... he only had a third grade education...
My dad was 33 years old when i was born...Mom was his third time around... no kids by the first two... which makes me wonder he never really said no kids... i just assumed...I gotta feeling I got some half brothers and sisters runnin around somewhere I never kneww... well maybe...
Any way depression is bad this time of year cause I think about family.... my little family, of four children... I was there for... changed their diapers, fed em, got up in the wee hours of the mornings to feed em cuddle em rock em back to sleep... while the wifey got her beauty sleep, so she could make it thru the day watchin soapies on tv... (okay she was a stay at home mom... ) I'm bein kinda mean...point is I was there... slavin 12 14 hours a day to earn a living hanging sheetrock, lumber what ever it took to earn a paycheck...
For what to grow old alone... while my kids are spred out all over the state and U.S. and they never write... they know I can't hear on the phone... but geee I can still read... hell draw me a picture... send me a picture... cuss me out blame me for the chit george do... anything for your attention...
But don't invite me off to some one elses home for thanksgiving dinner... gee I'm not good with this... strange people, mouths moving and sounds going crazy in my head and i can't understand a thing that is going on...
I'm hearing impaired... I like my little world of people I know and trust..
I'm a friggin scaricat... big old frizzy fickle flaky fellow...
yeah that too I'm huge... overweight... hate for folks to see me this way... I get nervous and then I'm stupid...
Dam I should be honored to be invited... like I can afford the gas... right... well he aint told me the address yet lol... might be kinda hard to find this place with out directions...
Okay.... relax.... imagine a fence covered with a very large and loong honeysuckle vine... It's in full bloom and the breeze gently fills your senses with the smell of honeysuckle... Ohhhhh yeahhhhh.... that's nice...
to tell the truth I wanted to make turkey dinner.... dressin made with home grown cornbread, with all the fixins... got the turkey thawin out rat now... bought an extra loaf of wheat brread, and celery...bell peckers, onion, everything ya can throw into a dressin...
funny memory, first dressing my ex made, was lightbread dressing.... you could pour it out of the bowl... didn't even need gravy lol... yeah I ate it... didn't taste too bad just never had dressin like this before lol...
some times I really miss debb... she was a good friend for a long time... till she turned into someone else... why people gotta change.... well I don't know where debb went... just kinda faded away, some how I wonder if that was my fault too... cause I really liked that woman... oh well...
HOPE the Holidays are bright and filled with many blessing for my friends...
I know ya'll got more on ya plate than ya want also... wish I was close enough to help with ya dishes...
best wishes...Russell
I'm still battling with depression...
Been a heck of a week..
It's the holiday season I think... Thanksgiving and all... yeppers, that was a big time for my family back when... I had one.
Now I sit alone, kids never write or call. (i think well no news is good news) I pray I'm right.
It's funny I was always defending their mom... my ex... telling em to love ya mom. Your mom is specail. bah bah bah....
Now in my old age, I'm jealous their mom lol... yeah I am... I taught my kids to live and forgive... and heck I can't even pratice what I taught... and I got to deal with this dam depression on top of that...
Well guess that's part of divorce and being betrayed... guess the wedding vows should be changed... instead of death do you part...maybe they should be...life do you part... part of life... geez brain... where do this chit come from... must be the mushroom I ate last nite... lol.. nawe they were canned, stems and pieces... pput em in the firm-n-chetty... so you spell it lol.. to early for me...
Sides I doing what i always do, grin and bear it... Yeah... when I'm depressed I try not to dwell on the negative things like why the kids don't like dad better... I loved my DAD with all my heart... but I wasn't allowed to be with my dad... didn't even see him for 23 years... spent seven wonderful years with my dad after I grew up.... dam I miss that man... wish I was like him more... never complained... of whined... stood his ground poor and proud... got a bit ticked at the system at times... he only had a third grade education...
My dad was 33 years old when i was born...Mom was his third time around... no kids by the first two... which makes me wonder he never really said no kids... i just assumed...I gotta feeling I got some half brothers and sisters runnin around somewhere I never kneww... well maybe...
Any way depression is bad this time of year cause I think about family.... my little family, of four children... I was there for... changed their diapers, fed em, got up in the wee hours of the mornings to feed em cuddle em rock em back to sleep... while the wifey got her beauty sleep, so she could make it thru the day watchin soapies on tv... (okay she was a stay at home mom... ) I'm bein kinda mean...point is I was there... slavin 12 14 hours a day to earn a living hanging sheetrock, lumber what ever it took to earn a paycheck...
For what to grow old alone... while my kids are spred out all over the state and U.S. and they never write... they know I can't hear on the phone... but geee I can still read... hell draw me a picture... send me a picture... cuss me out blame me for the chit george do... anything for your attention...
But don't invite me off to some one elses home for thanksgiving dinner... gee I'm not good with this... strange people, mouths moving and sounds going crazy in my head and i can't understand a thing that is going on...
I'm hearing impaired... I like my little world of people I know and trust..
I'm a friggin scaricat... big old frizzy fickle flaky fellow...
yeah that too I'm huge... overweight... hate for folks to see me this way... I get nervous and then I'm stupid...
Dam I should be honored to be invited... like I can afford the gas... right... well he aint told me the address yet lol... might be kinda hard to find this place with out directions...
Okay.... relax.... imagine a fence covered with a very large and loong honeysuckle vine... It's in full bloom and the breeze gently fills your senses with the smell of honeysuckle... Ohhhhh yeahhhhh.... that's nice...
to tell the truth I wanted to make turkey dinner.... dressin made with home grown cornbread, with all the fixins... got the turkey thawin out rat now... bought an extra loaf of wheat brread, and celery...bell peckers, onion, everything ya can throw into a dressin...
funny memory, first dressing my ex made, was lightbread dressing.... you could pour it out of the bowl... didn't even need gravy lol... yeah I ate it... didn't taste too bad just never had dressin like this before lol...
some times I really miss debb... she was a good friend for a long time... till she turned into someone else... why people gotta change.... well I don't know where debb went... just kinda faded away, some how I wonder if that was my fault too... cause I really liked that woman... oh well...
HOPE the Holidays are bright and filled with many blessing for my friends...
I know ya'll got more on ya plate than ya want also... wish I was close enough to help with ya dishes...
best wishes...Russell
Replies
awwwwwww, Russ.....
You know, I have friends who have invited others to their homes on TG -- those in their church, for instance, whose family was far away and couldn\'t come home......
You sound like such a Good Cook!! know of anyone you could invite over?
Hope you are feeling better.........:)
Hugs......
Do understand the holiday downs.I completely understand where you are.After my husband died I had a tough time with the hloidays..regrouping my peices and forming a sound foundation to my lifes change.
We just have to create our own sense of peace inside for us, because life does throw us some unpreventable hard ball holiday curves.
Find a festive way to have your own celebration at your home.If you know of anyone who could enjoy a good meal heyyy invite them over and chow down.I fully agree with linda.Dont wait to be included make your own plans..do something good for yourself instead.
What ever it is that your children are dealing with is their own inner self made dilemmas.Its theirs to deal with you have no way to make them react differantly.No one will ever replace old dad so its actually their loss.Try not to let it get under your skin.Dont feel like you are in this old world alone.We are with you and you have DJ to be there with you.Thank god for your faithful son.
Russ you are far from being old my man you still have plenty of youth left in your life.
(Idea).
Get some plywood together and cut out some yard orniments paint them and sell them to people for yard decorations.Its the perfect time for it.Make you some quick cash for a brighter christmas.
My late husband and I did that one year.It took us about a week to do the cutting and paintings.We sold out in one day before noon and made several hundred dollars.It was fun and profitable happy hearts are busy minds. ;D
Focus on how you can seperate yourself from thoughts that depress you by staying busy thats very important.Because if you dont nobodys gonna come keep you company(I know).
You are a good person your friends on DS appreciate you for the person that you are.Iam glad that you trust us.If I could I would have you over for both holiday dinners at my home.But we are too far away from each other.
Stay strong you can do it!!
HUGS!!
Rachel
Eeeee excuse the way I spelled holiday that is terriable..my mind got ahead of my fingers.LOL