It's hard writint this moanin.. little meanie elfin fellow is working the back side of my head with a bmfh, as we use to say in the service...the only friends I have are here on DS...
seems like everyone I know in life is so busy trying to get things done... Aint no time for dad...
I oughtta be a shamed of my self cause I get jealous the ex, cause the kids they can spend hundreds of dollars traveling to Texas, and they can't afford to drive 20 miles to see dad...course he is workin two jobs. and I won't convert to his churchy thingy...oh well, aint like the ex gonna leave her married boyfriend and start bible thumpin... just I worked my butt off to provide for them kids and well dangit she wouldn't even get em a glass of water when they was thirsty... for rreal...It's a kinda mixed emotion, cause I kinda don't give a chit noway... it's so stupid to be jealous of someone that never gave a dam anyway...
Must be gettin see...nile lol... how ya spell that anyway... I seen the Nile in movies and on Pbs... now I'm gettin seenile lol... funny rite... got into a room and wonder... was I comin in...or going out...
If I was comin in, why...?
If I was goin out... why am I still here...?
I hate being alone... I get so confused I don't know whether to fart of go blind...
My thoughts fall into emptyness... no hopes or dreams for the future really jump out at me anymore... when I do explore a new path I get all these hands trying to grab at the money I don't have...
Like government grants to start a business... 2,500 dollars lol... what you gonna do with 2,500 dollars...plus these free grants cost at least 30 someting dollars a month to process... lol..yeah rite free.... now they callin the house and it's a mess...
County done gone at takein more of my childsupport away again... now I only get 67 dollars a month out of my 160 lol... wow wooopeeee dooooo....
Plus they make me feel like a low life piece of chit when I go to reapply.... well wont be long now... next august... i can tell em to kiss my ruddy ass... u bettcha... might just pack up my toys and move off and live alone in the .... oh forget it... just moanin anyway...
gall dam doctors and nurses are bunch of ... well that's how I feel anyway... my prescriptions are running out and I keep having to hassle with em to get em updated... got two therapist in the cardio deparpment... they in a pissin contest... they can't even be in the same room with each other... It's plum crazy... to many chiefs not enuff indians so it seem...
Glad I'm a little indian.... but since George been playin in the big tee pee... I'd like a shot at it...
I got an Idea... just write in Robin Williams... yeah he'd rock out world lol... Iraq would die laughing...Well gues we better ask him first lol... you gotta wonder tho....well guess I go play all by myself...
It's been a miserable week... no pain meds, breakin down and crying... watz with that... it's hell to grow old alone... forgotten blamed for all the bad that happens in the world... yeah I get that from my daughter now and then... poor girl... she so lost at times... why me she keeps sayin...I tried to explain it to her thousands of times... but I failed I guess...
Aint like I'm gonna looose any sleep over it... I feel fine I taught my kids right from wrong... aint my fault they choose wrong... still worry for em tho... and soon the last one gonna go out there and get some skid marks on his butt... hope he learns well... he aint listening to dad... know it all already.. yeah rite...
think I'lll just take up drinkin lol... beer diet... get a job at a brewery ... and jump in a vat lol... bottoms up...
yeah I gotta a therapist appointment friday... then the county gonna come out at three to evalurate my disability... like I trust the county... Oh well... being a white boy has its...... yeah rite...
laters... russ