I went off to the Communities...I check em out and read the post.
This sorry old windows programs has a error, and because of it I can't reply to post. or even check my mail on charter.net lol... I talked to the Geek squad, and for a heafy sum of (ballpark) 160 big ones... they upload a newer version of Windows and repair my old 25 dollar puter to the best of its' workin ability...
Awwwe who cares..
I have only one real desire in my writings of journals, that being communicatin with other fellow humans...which aint happenin the way I'd hoped it would...
Guess I've been alone too long, and probably part of my PTSD that makes me feel like no one is interested in old Russ... I've had this feeling all my life, like standing on the side lines, once ina while I get a little attention, then I'm back on the sideline again alone actin a fool trying to get more attention...
My main fault is I love to make people happy, a smile or giggle and to see some one laugh out loud is most rewarding...
I've been trying to do this in my journals, lately... because we all suffer way too much pain, and depression and we all are in need of attention...
For the past seven years I've been doing without so my son can have the things he needs. This year I broke down and bought me a new shirt... most my cloths are from GoodWill, if I can find anything in my size... all my sons pants are second hand...I don't really mind I don't buy second hand shoes... funky huh? but hey he is covered...
this is about my needs not his any way...I'm still here, I still have needs and feelings... maybe I'm a tad to needy... i know I'm fickle as hail...
Well I reckon I'm fellin a tad lonesome this moanin...My children God Bless em all, are so involved in life that they don't have any time for DAD...never write or call send an email... DJ gets email but not DAD...
Sad thing is I know why...so all I can do is just bid my time... gee I hope I have enough time... and hope Love will find a way...because rite now one child is blinded by the lite, one is a progress in the works, and one is just busy busy busy... aint no one fault really... Life
So again I'm here talkin to myself, and I'll come back and read my journals over again several times today... see if anyone responded, hopefully smiled, laughted. a moment to forget the pain...
Reckon I just put to much hope into this Journal writin thingy...with all this self doubt and depression... struggling against pain that brings tears, that is as constant as the morning sun...
yepp it's rainin day two, fibro flare, lots and lots of pain.
pain is depressing...
i remember why i like to hide in my room now...when I hide I'm disconnected and i don't worry about anyone but myself...DJ.. doggy...
Now I'm worried for some of my DS friends cause they suffering greater than I am...and I can't do chit about it...
I'd truly take all the pain if I could, and sometimes it feels like I'm carrying all the pain of the whole world...I don't much care for those days.
Today, I'm feeling rather exhausted... of the heart... the mind.... and my soul....
I have hope that the sun will shine soon and the shadow on my heart will be lifted, my soul will fly...
Some where over the rainbow blue birds fly...
Birds fly over the rainbow, why then o why cant I...?
that' gonna be stuck in my brain all day....
russ
This sorry old windows programs has a error, and because of it I can't reply to post. or even check my mail on charter.net lol... I talked to the Geek squad, and for a heafy sum of (ballpark) 160 big ones... they upload a newer version of Windows and repair my old 25 dollar puter to the best of its' workin ability...
Awwwe who cares..
I have only one real desire in my writings of journals, that being communicatin with other fellow humans...which aint happenin the way I'd hoped it would...
Guess I've been alone too long, and probably part of my PTSD that makes me feel like no one is interested in old Russ... I've had this feeling all my life, like standing on the side lines, once ina while I get a little attention, then I'm back on the sideline again alone actin a fool trying to get more attention...
My main fault is I love to make people happy, a smile or giggle and to see some one laugh out loud is most rewarding...
I've been trying to do this in my journals, lately... because we all suffer way too much pain, and depression and we all are in need of attention...
For the past seven years I've been doing without so my son can have the things he needs. This year I broke down and bought me a new shirt... most my cloths are from GoodWill, if I can find anything in my size... all my sons pants are second hand...I don't really mind I don't buy second hand shoes... funky huh? but hey he is covered...
this is about my needs not his any way...I'm still here, I still have needs and feelings... maybe I'm a tad to needy... i know I'm fickle as hail...
Well I reckon I'm fellin a tad lonesome this moanin...My children God Bless em all, are so involved in life that they don't have any time for DAD...never write or call send an email... DJ gets email but not DAD...
Sad thing is I know why...so all I can do is just bid my time... gee I hope I have enough time... and hope Love will find a way...because rite now one child is blinded by the lite, one is a progress in the works, and one is just busy busy busy... aint no one fault really... Life
So again I'm here talkin to myself, and I'll come back and read my journals over again several times today... see if anyone responded, hopefully smiled, laughted. a moment to forget the pain...
Reckon I just put to much hope into this Journal writin thingy...with all this self doubt and depression... struggling against pain that brings tears, that is as constant as the morning sun...
yepp it's rainin day two, fibro flare, lots and lots of pain.
pain is depressing...
i remember why i like to hide in my room now...when I hide I'm disconnected and i don't worry about anyone but myself...DJ.. doggy...
Now I'm worried for some of my DS friends cause they suffering greater than I am...and I can't do chit about it...
I'd truly take all the pain if I could, and sometimes it feels like I'm carrying all the pain of the whole world...I don't much care for those days.
Today, I'm feeling rather exhausted... of the heart... the mind.... and my soul....
I have hope that the sun will shine soon and the shadow on my heart will be lifted, my soul will fly...
Some where over the rainbow blue birds fly...
Birds fly over the rainbow, why then o why cant I...?
that' gonna be stuck in my brain all day....
russ
Replies
Hey Russ, don\'t feel so down and out. I may not reply to them all, but I have a great interest in your journals. I look forward to reading them every day. I hate when I hear that you are in pain, but I love your stories of old times. They remind me of things my uncle used to tell me happened to him as a child and a teen. I hope you get to feeling better. You have put plenty of smiles on my face and I thank you for them.
Feeling disconnected and lonely and is understandable russ.I think we can all relate to those feelings so we completely understand.
We all need people to talk to.Sometimes Daily Strength gets slow and people so seem dis interested at times.
Have to admit that it is a poor subsitute for company because there are days that no one seems to be there or care.Its a nice place to come to but not to rely on like it says (daily) because people will always be people.
I found that out rather quickly so I have since found other things to do to stay mentaly busy.
If you feel down and go into other communities I find that their stories make me even more depressed ..so I dont go there.
I love your stories I can see apart of my own childhood in your stories,the poor part of your stories.I find them very interesting and they bring back a lot of my own pleasant childhood memories.
We had it hard but I know that we was suppose to experience what we did.Regardless to how hard it was there was some growth and knowledge in those childhood trials menat for our life.
You make my days happy with your humor and enjoy reading your real life stories.
Think on the good teachings and happy times they are the ones we live for.
They are the ones that made you the kind man that you are today. ;))
Rachel
I must agree with these 2 and they said it well, don\'t know what else to really say ....you are a GREAT guy and I wish you could see it!! Sorry you are having a bad day and if I am not around it isn\'t because I don\'t care or lost interest, it is I am not feeling well and not online. When I do come on here I always read your posts, so I do care!! Wish your computer would let you post and do more...if ya lived closer I could get it all fixed up for ya! As for who cares? YOU DO and so do we!! YOu have accomplished what you have set out to do many times...you make us all smile with your stories and I enjoy and look forward to reading them like the rest of your friends do! So I THANK YOU my friend for all the smiles you have brought especially on the days I could use them and for the wonderful supportive friendship that you share!!! As for putting kids first , I think it is something we always do and will do but treat yourself more often for all the good that you do. Life does get busy and I hope your kids come around for ya, just remember that they do love you and fix what needs to be a fixin. Love will always find its way! ALWAYS keep the hope my friend!!! Keep journaling!! I know Pain is depressing and brings on so many things so I wish you less pain and I hope and pray that sunshine comes and your heart and pain is lifted and you are soaring my friend......here is to a better day!!!!! Keep that head up and be proud!!! To better days.....take good care of you!!!
I always find something to say lol...may not always make sense and I get in circles but hey I try :-) Forgot to say I love the new pics if I haven\'t said it already and you did an awesome job on the wallet and the dark hair makes you look like a spring chicken :-) You need to go find you a singles meeting and show it off. They have anything like that that you can get involved in?? Alright I am done and will stop my fingers....hope your day has gotten some better anyway.....keep hanging in there....sleep well........