I just don't feel like doing anything...
Cant even tthink straight....
Took a napp, and now My mind is fuzzier than ever...
At times like this when I just shut down, I am making myself write this journal... I wanna just cancel it and go back and hide in my room...
Aint like there isn't anything to do... laundry need washed, dishs are stacked and waitin... back my head is pounding, right shoulder is ripping it's self apart...and some times it feels like my balls are being nailed to the floor...
gosh you typed that rite out loud...
Awwweeeee nutttttzzzz... sure did...
it's true.. and it hurts...
I reckon it's part of growing older and has something to do with the big picture... yeah rite.. be four more months before I can tell my doctor about this new and improved pain...
Don't feel right when I talk about my reproductive organs.. still it aint no fun... kinda scaryyy... now it's gone... thank goodness for that...
Moving on to brighter things the sun is shinin... the wood peckers are peckin, and those dang little ladybugs are everywhere...why they call them ladybugs anyway... they bite aint no ladies either... there's an interesting little fellow hangin upside down off one the berries growin on the tree outside.. lite grey almost white with blue on its'wings and head, aint no blue jay too small and dantified... but cute... if ya like birds I guess...
Maybe it's an Oowee bird fatman...
A wat..?
Oowee bird, wats that..
That's a one ounce bird that lays a two ounce egge and then goes Ooweeeee!!
BOBBIN !!
Your sick bobbin,
Hey least I aint talkin bout my balls..
BOBBIN..!
aint no pleasin this fellow today...
I wish I had some the energy that little bird is usein outside.. peppy little bugger it is so is those woodpeckers..
I feel like a gobb of playdoe... stretched, rolled up, smashed and stretched then smashed into a ball and tossed into a corner an forgotten... like an old toy that was once someones favorite choice of playthings now old and dusty forgotten.... just collecting dust...
I'm just down cause I'm busted.. broke, paid off my PCH bills.. yeppers that be them aholes at Publishers cleannin housey... cause they really clean house... on ya wallet... most the crudd I orders broke after couple weeks.. cept the bills... but hey they broke me lol... Thought I was smarter than that... but hey, I'm just a big old sucker for wantin to win 10 million real stupid huh...
They even sent me a script to read and learn when they got here to award me the 10 million... wat a sucker....
Well they be paid in full now... and I sent em an email tellin em what to do with that ten million lol...
I get discussed with myself over crapp like this sometimes... and well it aint easy livin on SSI and raisin a son.. but we did good so far, he aint naked and he's got more than some kids do... he's got a good roof over his head, and lots of love to see him thru...
Ya a good dad fatman
thank you bobbin...
I keep tellin myself that you know.. I done good... I done good... and i pray I done good... so far so good lol... he's a good kid... and almost ready to learn to be a man... hope it aint as hard for him as it was for me... I think he's got a head start.. but he's hard headed just like his mom and DAD... that's what i worry about that hard headedness... who knows...
then I wonder can I cut the apron strings when the time comes and cut him loose...
This is the question ever pressing on my mind... I don't see the little boy no more... he's been doing things a shade different lately.. good grade, handles disappointment better, I'm so proud of him,
can you tell a kid you love em too much..
gee.. hope not...
love is a many splendered things..it can heal or break a heart... can it remove all the scars...?
later russ
Cant even tthink straight....
Took a napp, and now My mind is fuzzier than ever...
At times like this when I just shut down, I am making myself write this journal... I wanna just cancel it and go back and hide in my room...
Aint like there isn't anything to do... laundry need washed, dishs are stacked and waitin... back my head is pounding, right shoulder is ripping it's self apart...and some times it feels like my balls are being nailed to the floor...
gosh you typed that rite out loud...
Awwweeeee nutttttzzzz... sure did...
it's true.. and it hurts...
I reckon it's part of growing older and has something to do with the big picture... yeah rite.. be four more months before I can tell my doctor about this new and improved pain...
Don't feel right when I talk about my reproductive organs.. still it aint no fun... kinda scaryyy... now it's gone... thank goodness for that...
Moving on to brighter things the sun is shinin... the wood peckers are peckin, and those dang little ladybugs are everywhere...why they call them ladybugs anyway... they bite aint no ladies either... there's an interesting little fellow hangin upside down off one the berries growin on the tree outside.. lite grey almost white with blue on its'wings and head, aint no blue jay too small and dantified... but cute... if ya like birds I guess...
Maybe it's an Oowee bird fatman...
A wat..?
Oowee bird, wats that..
That's a one ounce bird that lays a two ounce egge and then goes Ooweeeee!!
BOBBIN !!
Your sick bobbin,
Hey least I aint talkin bout my balls..
BOBBIN..!
aint no pleasin this fellow today...
I wish I had some the energy that little bird is usein outside.. peppy little bugger it is so is those woodpeckers..
I feel like a gobb of playdoe... stretched, rolled up, smashed and stretched then smashed into a ball and tossed into a corner an forgotten... like an old toy that was once someones favorite choice of playthings now old and dusty forgotten.... just collecting dust...
I'm just down cause I'm busted.. broke, paid off my PCH bills.. yeppers that be them aholes at Publishers cleannin housey... cause they really clean house... on ya wallet... most the crudd I orders broke after couple weeks.. cept the bills... but hey they broke me lol... Thought I was smarter than that... but hey, I'm just a big old sucker for wantin to win 10 million real stupid huh...
They even sent me a script to read and learn when they got here to award me the 10 million... wat a sucker....
Well they be paid in full now... and I sent em an email tellin em what to do with that ten million lol...
I get discussed with myself over crapp like this sometimes... and well it aint easy livin on SSI and raisin a son.. but we did good so far, he aint naked and he's got more than some kids do... he's got a good roof over his head, and lots of love to see him thru...
Ya a good dad fatman
thank you bobbin...
I keep tellin myself that you know.. I done good... I done good... and i pray I done good... so far so good lol... he's a good kid... and almost ready to learn to be a man... hope it aint as hard for him as it was for me... I think he's got a head start.. but he's hard headed just like his mom and DAD... that's what i worry about that hard headedness... who knows...
then I wonder can I cut the apron strings when the time comes and cut him loose...
This is the question ever pressing on my mind... I don't see the little boy no more... he's been doing things a shade different lately.. good grade, handles disappointment better, I'm so proud of him,
can you tell a kid you love em too much..
gee.. hope not...
love is a many splendered things..it can heal or break a heart... can it remove all the scars...?
later russ
Replies
Russ,
Your journal was quiet interesting.The feelings of dispare of not having enough to make it til the next month would depress anyone.I dont know how nor do I have a right to tell you how to pay your bills.
But maybe if you could set aside a little when you get your check.You know for the last two weeks of the month when times gets really lean.
That way you would have a few bucks to go to the local store for goodies or take a drive and get out of the house.
I know old Vger ate up some in parts but you found the funds for that to fix her up.
As far as wondering if you will be able to cut the apron strings when the time comes and turn him loose.You will because every boy deserves to be a man,and every man deserves to be independent.Remembering that he deserves a chance to be happy you will be able do it easily.Now Iam not going to tell you that its going to feel good because it sure wont a million times over.
But in time you will get used to time to it.Then it will be time to make new friends for yourself.Always keep your doors open and let them know that where you are home is too.
No love can never remove scars but it can dull the pain to where it dont hurt anymore.
Good luck old buddy you can do a lot more then you think.
Rachel
I meant in time you will get used to it.Almost looked like I was speaking spanish there didnt it LOL!
It\'s always hard to let the last one go. If he\'s a good kid now, you did your job correctly, and he will be a fine and decent man like his Dad with maybe some of the scars that Dad has softened or vanished completely. We always want better than what we had for our kids, and by your journals you have already done that. Be proud of the job you did!!! Take care, my friend!! ~~Faye~~
Oh I aint worried bout the bills rach, them all paid lol.. just bums me out the way cost of living is eatin up my little ssi check... I fixed old V-ger with my saving... gonna have to dive into that again for groceries... Oh well... aint life grand... best wishes and thanks russ