Theres something I've been trying to get some closure on for many years now...
At first I just went into denial...
then as the years past, the heart ache, still stabbs relentlessly when I think about my adopted parents...
I tried to show them how much I love them, but she run me off with her verbal attacks, to me and my children... Ya aint gonna attack my kids and expect me to hang around...
She come up to me at 16 talks me into leting Earl, My grandfather by marriage adopt me to carry on his name... see he can't have no kids... she made dang sure of that lol... she the original bobbit... or should I say ballit... yeppers she sure did... then she married him to stay outta jail...
So the army kicks him out cause he's lackin in the male dept.. nuts huh... did i say that out looud?
sorry
any who... She talks me into letting them adopt me... Now I'm wondering why... So I ask my Mom... ifins she go for it and sign the papers... Mom she smarter than me says no... She don't want to raise me but she wont sign...
so I ask my Dad...thinkin I was doing an honorable thing for my step-granddad in all... (unknown to me dad been gettin letters from grandma that I didn't love him no more and didn't want to come home.) (which was not true, she told me Dad didn'twant me no more and I couldn't go home...) vicious little circle aint it...
Dad say okay... He like my step-grandfather too... Earl ...
We go an I change my name to Russell Earl something the second... yeppers I"m a II... whoooo hoooo just like them high fullutin rich folks on TV ... bless my redneck little butt.... no more cook dogg... deany the weeney... Merle the squirrell... I hated my name... grandma seen to that too... (trust me she was good at teachin hate)
Sorry gettin away from the problem, but just tryin to explain how things were...
So they change my name, and adopt me...
He so proud of his now son...
Over the years, he bragged about his grandkids and sent pictures to hes brother and family about me and my family and how proud of us he was...
In the 80's grandma caught my wife doing something... lol.. glad it wasnt me that caught her... but anyways
she says divorce ya wifey or I'll cut ya outta my will...
Okay chop chop... this kinda of stuff I expected from her...
Then I find out she makes my grand dad disinherite me too....
Okay I just don't get this part...
Why... I thought he wanted a son...
Okay so maybe she had his nutz in a cup... but seems to me sometimes you gotta stand your ground no matter what...
That really hurt. he wrote me off just because she said so....
I mean gee how ya handle somthing like that, I done did the denial...
guess I'm in the anger now...
dang sure in the frustrated feeling part...
Not that I wanted their property, but consider this... 300 thousand dollars in a saving, a new 150,000 dollar home, new car, and all the trimmins they collected over the years... Who cares ... all I ever wanted was their love... damit
I don't care what my kids do to me...
I'll never disinherite any of them...
Most of all I tell em how much I love em, and that I'm PROUD to be their DAD...
Okay I know I gotta move on....
I keep trying but this old battered rag tag heart sure is takin a beatin...
Cause I've been abandoned by a lot of folks I loved dearly ex included...
Not whinin just fact...
There seem to be this little spark that flickers even now in my heart... It wont let love die... i guess the reason I can't forget is to remind me that Love is the most important part of life...
I do LOVE life...
one day at a time Russ
I'm a 9/10 today.. see it's gettin all better lol...
At first I just went into denial...
then as the years past, the heart ache, still stabbs relentlessly when I think about my adopted parents...
I tried to show them how much I love them, but she run me off with her verbal attacks, to me and my children... Ya aint gonna attack my kids and expect me to hang around...
She come up to me at 16 talks me into leting Earl, My grandfather by marriage adopt me to carry on his name... see he can't have no kids... she made dang sure of that lol... she the original bobbit... or should I say ballit... yeppers she sure did... then she married him to stay outta jail...
So the army kicks him out cause he's lackin in the male dept.. nuts huh... did i say that out looud?
sorry
any who... She talks me into letting them adopt me... Now I'm wondering why... So I ask my Mom... ifins she go for it and sign the papers... Mom she smarter than me says no... She don't want to raise me but she wont sign...
so I ask my Dad...thinkin I was doing an honorable thing for my step-granddad in all... (unknown to me dad been gettin letters from grandma that I didn't love him no more and didn't want to come home.) (which was not true, she told me Dad didn'twant me no more and I couldn't go home...) vicious little circle aint it...
Dad say okay... He like my step-grandfather too... Earl ...
We go an I change my name to Russell Earl something the second... yeppers I"m a II... whoooo hoooo just like them high fullutin rich folks on TV ... bless my redneck little butt.... no more cook dogg... deany the weeney... Merle the squirrell... I hated my name... grandma seen to that too... (trust me she was good at teachin hate)
Sorry gettin away from the problem, but just tryin to explain how things were...
So they change my name, and adopt me...
He so proud of his now son...
Over the years, he bragged about his grandkids and sent pictures to hes brother and family about me and my family and how proud of us he was...
In the 80's grandma caught my wife doing something... lol.. glad it wasnt me that caught her... but anyways
she says divorce ya wifey or I'll cut ya outta my will...
Okay chop chop... this kinda of stuff I expected from her...
Then I find out she makes my grand dad disinherite me too....
Okay I just don't get this part...
Why... I thought he wanted a son...
Okay so maybe she had his nutz in a cup... but seems to me sometimes you gotta stand your ground no matter what...
That really hurt. he wrote me off just because she said so....
I mean gee how ya handle somthing like that, I done did the denial...
guess I'm in the anger now...
dang sure in the frustrated feeling part...
Not that I wanted their property, but consider this... 300 thousand dollars in a saving, a new 150,000 dollar home, new car, and all the trimmins they collected over the years... Who cares ... all I ever wanted was their love... damit
I don't care what my kids do to me...
I'll never disinherite any of them...
Most of all I tell em how much I love em, and that I'm PROUD to be their DAD...
Okay I know I gotta move on....
I keep trying but this old battered rag tag heart sure is takin a beatin...
Cause I've been abandoned by a lot of folks I loved dearly ex included...
Not whinin just fact...
There seem to be this little spark that flickers even now in my heart... It wont let love die... i guess the reason I can't forget is to remind me that Love is the most important part of life...
I do LOVE life...
one day at a time Russ
I'm a 9/10 today.. see it's gettin all better lol...
Replies
Geeesh! That\'s alot of baggage for one person to carry Russ and I can see why it raises it\'s ugly head to torment you at times. I don\'t think we ever get over some of the things that happen to us concerning our families. We just TRY to move on and that\'s not easy. It\'s really got to hurt for someone to cut you out of their lives without giving you any say so in the matter. But more importantly to take away their love. I believe love is everything in our lives. That human connection is food for our souls. You will probably never be free of these feelings, but hopefully you\'ll learn to live with them the best you can. My heart goes out to you! Love, Dale
Russ it is hard to figure out why people do what they do and it hurts very bad.and we never get over what the ones we love do to us because we loved them so much they will have to answer to him sooner then later you keep being you and kind to all around you you are a special person thank you for being my friend.
I cannot say I know how you feel because I never had a life like yours.Even if I did know it wouldnt remove your being mistreated from your grand mother.Iam wondering if your grandmother is still alive.What people leave behind could help others out but,its not the most important thing in life.
The most important blessing in the world is that you have people who do love you now.You had terriable experiences with your ex she was a very bad choice but how could you have known that she woul dturn out the way she did...you didnt.None of us know those things marriage is a chance like anything else.
I put a bad marriage behind me in which we had four little children I had to.After that I watched my ex distroy himself but at least he didnt do it to me and the children anymore.So for that Iam super glad I made the right decision.
I stopped crying about people not loving me years ago,figure if its out there for me it will happen.I do know who does love me and thats what truely counts.Cause the spilled milk with evil people is a lesson we learn the hard way.Thank your lucky stars that your grand mother is out of your life.
That you dont have to depend on her anymore as a child or adult.That you are a man of your own making your own way.That you have children that love you.That you dont have to ask your family for anything.Pat yourself on the back and feel good about yourself because you are still here and a darn good survivor.
Hugs!
Rachel
It hurts sometimes when it rains i\'m feeling poorly, I feel sorry for my grandmother... I love her all the same... i would not require her soul for the mistreatment she gave me... I\'m having a hard time with granddad...but I try to understand that she controled his life...
Guess he just wasn\'t the Man she raised me to be. lol.. she did such a good job she couldn\'t stand me lol.... Cool beans... thanks some times i feel so silly letting these past haunts get to me... guess I aint done so bad... learning to forgive is the easy part, remembering is hard.... if you forget to soon you don\'t learn from the lesson...
It\'s a tuff day... raining i cleaned the back yard some, did dishes carried off the trash, tried to lighten the load for Jackie my housekeeper helper... she so worn out when she gets here... Kinda breaks my heart to have to have someone clean up for me lol... but its nice too... next week she gets flowers lol... just because... russ
You know russ we are only human we cant just turn off old bad memories like it never happened.We would be fooling ourselves if we tried doing that.I live with a lot of bad memories like you and ever other normal person.Forgiving for me hasnt been the easy part of being mistreated.It was the hardest thing I ever did.But once I did it..the memories became easier to let it ease on by me and take its rightful place in the far distant background of my mind.
There is where it belongs and where it will stay.No longer having any power over me my mind or my life.
Flowers would be very very nice for a lady who cares enough to help you clean your home.Thats a nice thought.
Have a nice evening.
Rachel
You have been through a lot and it isn\'t always easy to move on from so much. I do hope one day maybe you can. I can\'t say I know how you feel because I have never had to go through all you have been through and couldn\'t imagine. My heart goes out to you. I do know through it all it has made you the man you are today and I think you are a remarkable person and someone I am very proud to call my friend!!! I think you learnt a lot from it all and with you being the person that you are and being a parent yourself can\'t see how anyone could do that to someone they love or are loved by. You are a strong, caring, loving dad, friend, person that through it all came out on top and that you should be proud of!! Keep loving life!!!
Very thoughtful and caring you are and I am sure she will love and really appreciate the flowers!! Take care of yourself !!
Hugs, Michelle