Well it's been a short night.
My son and his wife borrowed old V-ger to go up to Milwakee, for a wedding. I dreamed about weddings and huntin for something all weekend...
One part was about my son being late for the wedding which didn't happen lol... he said he danced his butt off... heck he aint got much of a butt as it is all 170 pounds drippin wet with sweat and foam on top... he so skinny if he stood side ways and stick out his toungue he look like a zipper lol :)

Any ways old V-ger broke down, they had to order a part not a biggey just had to wait, and didn't get back here till about 2am, and he had to be a work by 5am, they were tired but happy.. other than a malfunction of the fuel regulater, everything was fine... Now I need new spark plug wires and a belt for old V-ger...

I watched my son Doyle, walk to the bus stop this mornin, he actually went around the mudd... he don't usually do that.

I watched thru these eye, realising how I wished I could see the world through his eyes as to understand him better...
Guess that's why we were created this way, depending on other for that companionship that makes us whole...

When Keziah was born, Dr. Lamb handed her to me. said welcome to parenthood... There she was in my hands so small and beautiful...and my heart had so many different feeling I cried... for joy, and just plain amazed by this little miracle I was holding in my hands...Knowing I was a part of that miracle. I knew then at that moment my life was about to change... She so reminded me of my Mom...
the name Keziah is hebrew, (I think) it's the name of Job's third daughter after he went thru all that crapp he was subjected to to test his faith... Keziah means...most beautiful. My ex picked out her name... Cool huh?

It was years before we learned how to correctly pronounce her name lol...we use a see instead of the i sound, now i just say hey K... most of all, she has grown into a most beautiful young woman... I pray she finds happiness, she so deserves happiness...

Then Russ jr. came alone. I didn't get to be in on his delivery, something in California about LaMaze classes...
But I got my hands on that boy just as soon as they would let me... he was like a feather, so light in weight... never was a big kid.. He's tall tho 6'2 or better I have to look up to him lol I'm 6'1, was taller but I have compacted disc that take a way an inch in height.. maybe I slomp some too. Or it just this fat holding me down lol... I named the boys... it shows don't it... Wanted to name him Russell Warren... after his granddads... she was pissed at her dad so he is just a Russell no middle name... so sad...

I was there for Marjorie Rose... she's the red head of the family. She so me... lol... just a lot like dad, she came along at a great time in my life, I seemed to have everything in order. Then I went off on a tangent over a susan anthony dollar... quit my job, moved to Utah from California to work in the oil fields...well drivin a tow truck was not makeing it... I wanted more. give me more give me more... what the heck ya waitin for... Mo money... yeah... see we spent it as fast as I could make it... oh yeah... not like I didn't try to save it... just too stupid to open a saving account... yepp...

Anyways, in 1990, Doyle Joseph was born, I was scared to death... I couldn't work. I was sick all the time falling down having muscle spasiums (twitching and chit) I couldn't find a job, I was turned down because I was over qualitified, what ever... I'd drive home crying cause I couldn't find any work... I was offered a ditch diggin job, which I couldn't do. already been in the hospital for doing foundation work. tyeing rebar,and diggin the ditch for it... my back just don't like that chit... so I said nothank you. got anything else...

then the disbility hit me with depression, feelings of worthlessness, and I wanted to die...I prayed for death... I hide alone in my room crying and hating myself because I was a burden on my family.. and my ex reminded me how useless I was... thanks debb... then doyle was born. He so needed a father, I had to find a way to overcome myself... so I went to the VA, in Temple Texas, they have a wonderful mental health department... I found the help I needed... and i was able to free my heart of the guilt that was being heaped upon it by those that didn't understand...

And today, as Doyle who's now 17 a senior in high school... walks away to the bus stop... My heart still beats the same quick little love tap I felt as the first time that Dr Wilson handed Doyle to me when he was born... Welcome to fatherhood again.... I am crying those same tears of love and joy... now knowing We did good... Me and Doyle, we been struggling through one day at a time... His journey is about to begin... mine is about to end... may the son do become the father and the father the son... and daughter... I am truely blessed... Russ