Good Moanin,.................................................Friends.
The pain seems to be returning to it's normal naggin old ways, long as I don't move wrong lol.... best not be dancin, just yet, Hope I can catch my son today and take him to Dairy Queen for a birthday goodie.... they gonna donate all the moneys from treats sales today to children hospital funds, something like that seen it on the TV, so I thought it made for a good excuse to have a small malt or something lol..................................................................
I'm plannin on moving some furniture around someday soon, but dang it I still have to get that darn old van back up and running.....gonna go buy the 12 dollar filter thingy for fuel pump today, gonna wait, well I better wait couple days before I visit Major Pain again to get my old V-ger going again.... Old blue can just sit and rust lol.....it is already doing so well in that catigory any how.....Gosh I miss those Texas junkers. Least they had less rust... cept them chevys lol..... Okay .................................................................
I know my PTSD, really puts my old sorry butt in the ringer way too many times. (aka) kids mostly, I tend to on the other hand like the fact that I'm crazy, and I can look outside the Box sort of speek about everything... God, Religion, Politics, Women, Men, and the twilight Zone.... I like the twilight zone, some of it, science and science fiction, hell truth is stranger than fiction most the time. I spend a lot of time thinking, reading, trying to add 2+2,..................................................................
If you was to picture life like a huge lake, about waist deep, and in this lake is sink holes you can accidently wonder into, and then there are these holes in the lake, like black holes in space, where the water just disappears into nothing, and crazy ass me i like to sometimes stand at the edge and look in.... If I'm reall brave I'll lay down on my belly and try to get a better view lol.... Yeppers I'm kinda scared of high places... I get some pretty crazy ideas sometimes visiting the holes.... too me each of these holes in lifes lake represent something... hopes, dreams, beliefs, weird chit, pain, darkness, and one that's evil... nuff that , always somthing to be afraid of... and so....................................................................
I wanted to share one of the holes in my lake of life that reflects upon a totally different way of looking at ourselfs. I call it genetic memory.....in this hole I see events that I could not possibily have any knowledge of, yet I see these memories in my dreams. So I allow for the fact that hey, since we only use 1/3 of our mental awareness, maybe since my mind which don't act normal at all any way, is my mind skimming off that part we don't use, and the genes of our forefathers and mothers, have implanted some kind of memory of past lives we are unaware of.... Crazy chit I know, but it is possible, I've studied enough about genetics to get in trouble lol.. (look out einstien) but I wonder about these things, It's a wonderful vacation from dealing with pain, and anger.................................................................
One thing I know for sure, it bothers me a bit at times, well it really frightens me to tell the truth...one man said it was the gift of knowledge, well at least he provide some answer that showed support for what I was going thru... I see the future sometimes, events that are going to happen like tommorrow, not way into the future, most the times these ideas manifest themselves in my dreams.... these dreams feel different from normal dreams about things that are on my mind or worries I might be having, there are several different levels of dreams... trust me on this, I'm a great dreamer.... since I was a child, the back yard gate, all kinds of dreams that have come true. I can see death, I really hate this one, cause I know when a person is leaveing this world by just looking at them, family, friends, sometime strangers, something I can't explain.. and I don't dwell on it or try to control it...Okay so now ya know I'm weird...... but hey I aint crying so bad this Moanin, I can think a little. about something besides pain..................................................................
I'm not braggin, just rambling about this and that, its a little insight into what makes up a part of the whole, I think these unexplained things in our life are a part of what makes us whole. I think all of us have a greater meaning sort of speak because I know not the word for what I am speaking, just that we were Created to be so much more than we are...... ...........................................................
Being forced to slow down, I have noticed things I never had time to ponder on too much when I was working, trying to make more money, have nicer cars, better clothes, keep up with the jones, sort of speak. The high cost of living isn't the money, its the cost of living life without, being with family, sharing a sunset, a hug, baseball with the kids, sunday drive, pic nic in park, a hug, a kiss, its the price of being away from the ones you love, a cost of time, and time seems to run out...........time is a comodity that can't be replaced.....you can make money, even mend a few fences that got neglected.....but we can't replace the time......I waisted most of my time.........I hope I spend the rest of my time more wisely..........Thank you all for spending your precise time with me here on DS...this is the most wonderful time I ever spent, Russ