too all my friends, here on DS, I just want to say...that sometimes I say things that might be out of contents, or might even seem offensive, or just plain dang stupid... if it's followed by an lol... I'm trying to make you laugh... i want everyone to know that my statements about God and religion are just my opinions and I'm not trying to convert anyone... One thing in life I haven't learned is when to keep my trap shut... most the time I'm just changing feet. Yeppers I'm trying to grabb all the attention I can get, I love it. Ya'll treat me like I'm human... like I'm equal... I like it!...so forgive me If I get carried away and try to grabb too much attention... It's been a lonely past nine years... these dam disabilites, have cause lots of damage to the fence of life... me an my children are just startin to mend some of it... I'm not much help, I'm just over here clingin to a post so I don't fall on my butt...this old lake of crapp I'm waddin in might be waist deep but there are some real deep holes I step in some times and I go to the bottom, like a rock... it aint easy swimmin in chit... and Ya'll all know it...that's why I love ya so much... you're the brothers and sisters I never had... cause I'm not good enuff for the brothers and sister of my family, I'm dads other son... a half brother, told ya the chit is deep lol... Oh I've made an half ass effort to get to know em, but hey I'm the kind of fellow If you don't want me around, I'm gone... I aint begging family for effections... Yet here I am online, maybe I am... I learned back in the 90's to begg... kids needed food I begged... i bgged to get help paying the bills, lights, and mowed empty lots to pay for the lot rent... see under all that crud that settles to the bottom of the barrell is a layer of rust, yepp that's about as low as ya can go... All those years of working and paying taxes, just to be treated like something they stepped in when you go to human resources, force to sign away your rights just to recieve medicaid and 16 dollars a month in food stamps... kinda adds a whole new meaning to life don't it... Well I aint figured it out yet. that new meaning. Maybe if you healthy and can work two jobs to pay for that home and new 30,000 car, hundred dollars shoes, (them tenni-runners made in factors where they beat the workers if they fall behind in quotas), maybe you understand the new meaning lol... me i get that eat chit and die feeling... boy my mind is struggling with the pain... (Okay I reached down and pulled myself back up for air) I could just cancel this, but I aint gonna... this is the real meee... my mind works in mysterious ways... i need a tatoo on my butt that says your tax dollars at work... You wouldn't believe the headache I have his moanin...starts in the back where the skull and the spine are... c-4 and c5 disc are inflamed, (remember i dont know the difference between joint pain , and muscle pain) ok any ole who... nasty motor-pucker... shoulders are all tensed up wrist and ankles hurt... Well I tried to get my mind off it... least ways I didn't keep it all bottled up inside, you bottle this kind of pain and emotions up too long an ya gonna pop like a hot bottle of soda... POP....Fizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, better have a mop handy all I can say... that my lesson for the day, let it out... that's what these journals are for... It's not a pity party, I use it as a release valve, so I don't blow a cork...deee yammmm I feel better already :) well I can dream can't I lol... good day Russ