Moaning Friends, over the course of the last month or so, I've whined and cried about my pain, my abusive past, had pity parties, good days and bad, Ya'll gave me hope, strenght, and courage. Most of all Friendship, I don't feel so lonely any more, and I just wanted to say Thank you each and everyone, friends on my list and those that arent, it's nice to know you are there... There's more to old Russ than meets the eye..., actually that's not the name I was born with, I changed my name at 16 cause I hated my birth name, I was taught to hate it, so I cast it away like some old dirty rag, never accidently wrote my real name, since I was disinherited (however ya spellit) I sometimes forget how to spell my adopted name, aint that a hoot.... My grandmother, and her grandmother before her praticed witchcraft, I was raised to believe in curse, and spells, potions and the likes... If I stepped on a nail I had to go find that nail and doctor the nail as well as my foot... yeppers we ran around barefooted most the summer, didn't go to school barefooted, oh yeah I had to walk three miles to school in the snow once lol... missed the buss lol... oh one of my daughters is into witchcraft...I think it's buyer beware kinda thingy, and tend to shy away from it myself, I can feel evil spirts, see things I really don't want to see, not even sure I like talking about this part of my life, sure as heck didnt say anthing to my therapist about this lol... nope never hehehehe what the shrink don't know wont hurt me lol... I'm serious tell a shrink you do this stuff and they have you takin somekinda pam I am pill.... any meds ending in pam kick butt... well brain that is... it aint no fun these gifts of knowledge as they are sometimes called, even worse is the fact for me they are random, Nope I don't want to develop these gifts, too much of my soul has already been soiled by unclean spirits...so I pray for protection, and I recieve it... but I'm tell ya'll about it because gee, I feel inspired too... all the things in this world are not in black and white, most my childhood was spent in a grey area, just beyond the edge of light, I was always clinging to the light, hell I keep a night light in my home at all times, is it foolishness, not to me, am I any less a man for being afraid of something that has the power alter our perceptions in life, no I can't say i ever saw a spirit or ghost, I feel them, some dont bother me I know they there, others smother me, can't stand those, and some make me dam right afraid, I can't believe I tell this... oh hey maybe it's just another rambling Russ, Ya know sometimes I wonder what ever happened to Merle Dean, that frightened little child that hated his own name, sometimes I feel like I tossed a piece of me away that I'll never get back...Awwwwwwe well welcome to the wonder world of Russ