Yesterday I reached out...people responed with kindness and understanding...Today I feel human, and I owe it to all of you who read and offer your support and compassion...I've been seen bean,(from the movie The Borrowers)...This old computer is a blessing sometimes, cause those that reject me, can do so without me ever knowing it... Those that communicate with me fill my heart with hope, actually I'm kinda lost for words... Okay ((((group hug)))), that's group not grope lol...Oh someone pinched my tush, I liked it...I built up the floor in my storage shed yesterday, made out of junk lumber, It's an eyesore, ugliest thing I ever done... but least the water wont ruin my junk on the floor... I cleaning up gettin ready for an inspection... I hate inspections... miss owning my own home, even that old 10 wide moblehome would be prefered over inspection... de'am house is never clean enough, carpet needs cleaning, dog wont do laundry, she do dishes... best pot lickin hound dog there is... she is a hearing ear doggy, all 15 pounds of raskelly rat terrier, basically early warning system... did you know these little terriers can hear chit several blocks away...kinda funny cause i can't hear myself fart... Seriously I don't even know my own voice... I'm trying to keep busy so I want dwell so much on the past... When I'm in pain I tend to dwell on my abusive childhood, my many many screw ups in life, I can't help myself cause when I look in the mirror I see a man that is truly a born loser... I'm gonna find something positive in that too... cause I didnot come into this world by natural means... most of my lifes events were beyond my control, and those I didn't see coming well shame on me...Lifes calling and I need to answer... there are no text books to study up on, when I graduate from this school of hard knocks, and I stand before my creator, maybe, just maybe my name will be found in the book of life... but that's not as important as just knowing God is my friend... best wishes to everyone, and many blessing Russ