Things on my mind this Moaning are a bit personal. I don't know how to deal with the emotional stress. I don't know how to discuss my male sexual emotions. Okay so I woke up Horny...ED is not a problem. I had a couple years there I thought maybe, sex was a thing of the past. Okay I took the fox and the grape line of thinking since I can get the grapes I don't want em no how. Right!. Now after I start to show some improvements in my health. That of which I am speaking my chronic heart failure, being fat as a elephant, and twice as ugly. I know it's my own darn fault. I hide at home, afraid... There ya go... So I can face that part of my problem, cause I don't really have to do anything about being afraid. Just keep hiding, works out great. Untill... the OLD reproductive organs demand some attention. Those cold showers are getting mighty old these days. My Fibromyalgia don't much care for cold showers either. Yeah you can laugh... but this problem do seriously bother me at times, I'm not the man I use to be, I don't have a dam thing to offer... Two arms to hold you with, a deaf ear to nawe on, shoulder to cry on, a coke, a beer, I'm a good cook, lousy house keeper, but no money... no real security for the future. I got Hope, Faith, and Love... So far no one really seems very interested in Old Russ... Quiet Frankly I just go over the ex this year... took seven years just to get that woman out of my heart. i really meant it when I said I DO, I'm not old enough to be a sexy senior, so I guess I'll just have to settle for Dirty old man lol...i really miss haveing a spouse to hug, to spend precious moments with, give flowers, I sure as hail take more time to tell her how much love... Oh wait I did this already, still got kicked to the curb... Gosh I'm loosing it. gone around the bend, crashed... bend turns Russ don't what a stupid old fart I can be sometimes... I just needed to vent these feelings of I can't spell the big word so I'll just say not being good enough. Oh hail yeah I talk to it. Use to call it Junior, now it's just little buddy lol, maybe I oughta not tell that. See some guy hollerin down his pants. "what the hail you want now" Yeah sometimes it seems to have a mind of it's own... Guess I need more self esteem, know I need a lot more steam, my ego is gone, never knew what the hail a id was. I truly hope this subject isn't too offensive to my friends, My grandmother never seem offended by it lol.. ya should of heard her version of the birds and the bees lol... Well I get by, the way we humans handle our sexuality is most baffling sometimes. I am a mystry to myself... The words that come to mind are I can handle this... It aint that hard... ROFLMAO :D Okay I can't be serious about being horny any more lol... At least I aint complainin bout, pain, I do wish I could feel a little bit more sure of myself. I know I am a good person, I know I have a lot of love to offer, along with repect, there are a lot of things in life to share besides bank accounts, and job security... I gotta tent, lol. just in case.. so my hopes and dreams were smashed to bits and pieces by my ex, I think this fibromyalgia may have smashed hers... I know from experience that some times no matter how hard we try we can't please people we love... I just get so angry, and frustrated cause I tried sooo hard, maybe too hard. Maybe I was just so focused on doing the right thing I didn't listen or take time to look and see if me and ex were on the same page...nawe, well maybe the last couple of years, I kind of gave up... couldn't compete with all her boyfriends lol... they worked had money, I was disable didn't have chit... watched her slipp away a little at a time... best wishes eh, really hope she is happy now. Okay, so once again I am at ease with my heart, the anger is gone the hate is defeated... but I am afraid, so very very afraid, because even as a loner, I desire compainship... I long for a soulmate to share my funky twisted little existance with, to grow old and feel wanted and needed and most of all Loved...Maybe I'm just crazy, but it makes for a great sense of humor... Gosh it felt good to get all that off my chest... Whoa whooooo.... PEACE !! Russ
Replies
All of us want love & companionship, someone to share all those ups & downs. Unfortunately with CP it\'s mostly downs. But you should\'nt beat yourself up so much. I\'m sure you\'re a very nice person (oh.......don\'t you hate it when people say that???)lol but seriously, what\'s inside is what counts and I think we\'re our own worst enemies when it comes to how we see ourselves. I know I\'m afraid, of so many things I couldn\'t begin to list them. I woke up feeling so ALONE this morning and just so tired of it all I have done nothing but have a big ol pity party for myself. You will find some solace here on DS I promise you. Lots of great people who share your pain and your fears. Any time you care to talk please message me. I don\'t have all the answers by any means but I think talking is the best thing we can do to conquer those fears. Sorry I can\'t answer any of the libido questions as I don\'t have the same equipment Ha! Hugs to you Dale
I understand this post more then you can guess,,,only being aloner isn\'t all that bad,,,i have been one all my life...i guess i never really knew how lonliness till i stopped workin last yr,,,tryin to find things that clarify who i am as a person,,,it\'s hard to do,,,startin all over again,,,so i guess what i am really tryin to say is i understand,,,see a person tends to rattle on when they find some one to talk to ,,LOLOL
It\'s good to get it off of your chest. Journal writing is really cathartic, isn\'t it. You\'re not crazy, we all feel like we\'re crazy sometimes. And you\'re right, everyone needs love and support, be it physical, emotional, whatever. You\'ve come to the right place, you\'ll find friends here who will lift you up when you\'re down, and you\'ll find yourself doing the same for others. Hope you have a wonderful evening.
Very good my friend, glad to see you got that off your chest. I didn\'t laugh at all. No laughing matter, these are your true feelings. You are after all a human being and these feeling are normal. You seem like a wonderful person with a good sense of humor and I say it is your xs\' loss. You have so much more to offer then a lot of guys and I was happy to see at the end that you see that since at the beginning you were so hard on yourself. I think everyone has issues with themselves though. Keep pointing all the good qualities in you and I bet the outweigh the bad you see. I hope to see one day that you stop hiding and let someone see the real you , what is in the inside and the things that matter the most and how could they not want to share themselves with you. Never give up!!! Take care!!
Hugs, Michelle