My son and I tore down an old makshift storeage thingy I built couple years ago. Guess I better back off today, I hurt in places I didn't know would hurt. I'm a bit down this moaning, (morning, for those of you who aint had no coffee yet). I'm a bit of a messssss, this PTSD plays with my life in ways I can't even begain to explain. See I always felt like I wasn't good enough. Not to mention that nothing I ever did for grandma was good enuff... so one hand plays the other, I go to my childrens homes, I see pictures of the kids, their kids, friends, and other grandparents, even the ex, but I don't see no picture of Dad,,, me... Is it just me or would this bother any parent to seem to be miss placed or left out, of the picture as it were... I mean sure they say I love ya dad, but one wont drive 15 miles to come see, me... I hear one is ashamed of me... one just busy as hail working for a living, ok I'm assuming the position... If I sound stupid just kick me... did I tell you I worked outside yesterday, somehow I got to clean out the old storage unit, build a floor in there so when it rains my junk wont get wet, then I gotta make room for all the tools I own ,plus two boat motors my son left in my care... I still have the neighbors snow blower I rebuilt, It needs a flywheel, a riding mower three push mowers, couple bicycles...finally got ridd of the yellow jacket nest near my mail box. You ever want to take a trip to the twilight zone, just listen to what a 16 year old express his ideas about the bible, and well hey it's a real trip... I'm looking forward to the new move UNDERDOG,,, this puppy kicks butt lol... sorry I'm bouncing around like a rubber ball, just my mind is constantly trying to ddwell on the pain and well loneliness of that empty space in my heart. Yeah I'm just an old fart... but I long for a soulmate ya know. kinda afraid I'm gonna die alone, and forgotten ... there i go again... ok more coffee...at least when I'm online here at dailystrength I don't feel quiet so alone... ok I'll stopp huggin the monitor now... :) Well soon as i finish cleaning up the drive, I gotta drain the gas and remove the gastank from old V-ger, got to check the fuel pump for defects cause by that E-85 ethenol gass I used... I've been using the 10% stuff for years, hear it eats up rubber causing it to be brittle and break up. got all this black stuff in my gas line, think maybe this might be the problem... boy I miss those old 63 ford falcons lol... simple cars no computer chips and fancy thingamogiggas.. I reckon I waisted enuff of your time with my rambling, Hey I'm wishing all my friends a wonderful beautiful day, I'm happy in my warped little way, my warped little day, because my heart is pure and I'm as strong as ten men hehehehehee... kinda smells that way lol where's my right gaurd??? Axe??? boy do i miss Trouble, well I'm just an old spice kinda fellow lol... old anyway lol laters. best wishes, and many blessing Russ