Sometimes I get so angry at this whole situation, Iwould really LOVE to scream.  Yesterday, I overheard my son tell my sister that he and his dad were in the pool and his dad was talking on the phone telling someone "I love you" and he asked his dad who was he talking to, His dad said nobody, go swim.  My son told my sister, "it was HER".  I hate shit like that when it comes up, It makes my heart stop. Like when someone throws ice waeter in your face.  Husband thinks I should forget all about it. Thinks I'm holding on to it and he doesn't want to discuss it. It's only been 4 1/2 mo. ago since I found out about him and ow (for the 3rd time) He makes me feel like I'm doing HIM wrong because I can't get past it.  Granted, I need help.  I've begged him for it.  Tonight I told him that if he wanted to save us,  he's gonna have to see a  marriage councelor w/me.  He can't possibly understand how deep this hurt goes.  I compare it to death.  How will Iever learn to trust him again? I feel that if I don't kiss his ass, he'll go back to her again, or to someone else. My better judgement tells me not to EVER trust anyone EVER again.  I wish I could see what the future holds. No, I don't.   I thought the world of my husband and if he could do this to me,  ANYONE can do it.  Him ,  of all people.  I would have trusted him with my very life.