If the rainclouds hovering above my home right now owned a pair of shoes, I promise you that they would be a pair of the sharpest cleats you've ever seen. There is nothing joyful about it. I'm doing all that I can to not grind my teeth because I already have TMJ from doing it for the years I've been in this mess. It hurts to breathe tonight, I'm not going to lie. And as much as I'd love to snuggle under the blankets in my bed, I know better than that. I know my body will only silently curse my actions. Something along the lines of "what the hell are you thinking trying to relax?" I swear that my pain has its own persona. What a shame, would it be crazy to name my pain? No - the fact that I'm even speaking of this kind of pain is crazy. I shall name it Kenyaseemehurting. So instead of sleeping in a oh so comfy, blessing of a bed I'm sitting on my couch naming my pain. What a sad, sad situation. But what I will tell you is that although I may be on the verge of yelling because it hurts, I have no anger during this moment. And the fact that I joke about it while feeling this madness, reassures me that I'm still the same old Kenna. And this is enlightening because sometimes it feels as though you're not yourself anymore and you now belong to the dreaded pain. So making myself laugh right now is a blessing in disguise. Laughter is the best medicine for a reason - itd be so much better if my boyfriend wasn't sleeping so peacefully! I need someone to laugh with! Okay, I'm lying, I'm just jealous of that true blessing that people often ignore as one. Haha, okay I'm done for tonight. This is a mixture of lack of sleep, exhaustion, pain, happiness, and everything else that falls under the title LIFE! Goodnight.