I'm so tired. But I don't want to sleep. 12 hours at school yesterday and today and I'm still not done with the workload for tomorrow. My body aches. I'm thoughtless and thoughtful. I'm in the middle of the unknown. I can't begin to describe what it feels like to be an outsider looking in on your own life. I see someone who's suffering. Someone who has strength. Someone who strives for the better things in life. But then I realize, the suffering is my own. It takes a toll. You hold it together until the tears start to roll. You think about nothing other than this moment. An hour feels like a day, and tomorrow feels closer than ever. You start to think about how much you've gone through, struggling to acknowledge the fact that it could always be worse, but it could always be better. When being humble and angry start a battle, you're tossed back and forth, forced to face your own battle. You wipe the tears, tell yourself its okay, and suck it up. The pain, emotionally will win for now. And the battle will continue. I've never thought of myself as an inspiration to other people, but just now I realized I'm an inspiration to myself. This is where being an outsider looking in on your own life comes into play. Realizing what you're going through and acknowledging the strength through it all, is all I need as far being an inspiration goes. If just one person can go through this and realize their strength, even for an hour, my words will be worth it. And since were being so honest, a lot of the time, your strength will last for an hour and after the 60 minutes are up, it'll start to fade away as your body forces your heart and mind to weaken. It's a regular thing to find myself back at start throughout the day. But again and again, I'll work my way to the finish line because throughout the struggle, there's strength. And each time I make it one step further, gaining more strength than before. Even when it feels like I've taken a thousand steps back, I know that tomorrow I'll acknowledge what I did today and feel stronger and better. So if getting closer to that place where I can handle this means taking a leap everytime then I'll do it. This unfair, terrible, over-whelming pain has taught me more about myself than I ever wouldve learned any other way. I know my heart carries me through it. I know everything I'm doing now with a struggle will pay off. I have to believe in that. Because living with pain without a point, makes everything else irrelevant and pointless. Goodnight.