Nights like these I feel like a horrible person. But as I'm sitting here in a nutrition class and people are crying about their strawberry allergies, I can't help but be mad that I'm in a horrible situation that I can't avoid the way they can avoid their strawberries. Though I feel for them, it must be nice to have a strawberry allergy and be able to use that to make a room full of people feel bad for you. I'm in so much pain sitting in this little desk, if you can even call it that, trying to pay attention and find a way to care about their little discussion. I'm tired, I can't breathe, and the pain is bad enough tonight to make me physically sick. I feel nauseous. I feel like crying, but I hold it all in because these strangers sitting next to me will never understand. I want an escape. I want to be able to go home in two hours and have a smile on my face. But what I'm feeling right now, it's not looking too promising. This is the downside of being in chronic pain. Though you feel so deeply for other peoples problems, it doesn't seem to measure up to your problem. You automatically think "stop crying" because you know your life is hell compared to their temporary rash, sniffle, cold, bruise, or headache. I'm tired of the guilt I feel for feeling this way, but lets be real for once... this is one the hardest things to deal with in a normal society. What is normal anyway? People always trying to make others feel sorry for them, diagnosing people as hypochondriacs, crying about the slightest scratch on your big toe... I'm just so over it for tonight. Nights always seem to be the toughest. It's always the toughest because I'm exhausted. Some nights I want to quit school and stay at home. I don't care to listen about these food allergies. I'm paying too much for this class to pretend like I'm getting new information. This is all on google. Or in a book. This is what thousands of dollars for a college education gets you. Most of the time I'm so strong but the anger can be overwhelming. I'm twenty years old. I don't deserve this. I've been nothing but a good person, loving, and caring. It's always the worst things imaginable that happens to the best people you know. People need to stop crying about their lives being so bad, because they don't know what fire, needles, knives, a baseball bat, cleats, and the biggest punch in your body feels like. Especially when you can't see it. My invisible pain has become my invisible voice. I pour my heart out on this dumb journal hoping to feel some relief or find my sanity and strength again. Be strong, be strong... What is being strong going to get me anyway? I hold back the tears. I know this fire in me will pass with time and I'll find my way again but as for now, I honestly do not care. My life could be so much worse, but lets face it, it could be so much better.