The Way of Mastery - The Way of the Heart
Lesson 32
Unobstructed feeling embraces ALL THAT arises and passes away. Unobstructed means without judgment.
I am embracing the sadness that I have been experiencing lately as I hear thru the grapevine my daughter is getting close to having her baby; my grandson. Real close.
I have seen her twice since her pregnancy and that hurts my heart. I know with all my heart this is all in Divine Order, however, that does not takes away days I feel a deep sense of sadness. I miss her and I have missed not sharing in her pregnancy!
So, as I sat in the silence this a.m., I embraced my sadness and feeling of loss. I embraced my daughter as she goes thru her journey; I even held my S-I-L in the Light and remembered they are both finding their own way on the journey of Life. They are innocent.
The judgment of this whole situation seems to be seizing; which is good! I seem to be entering into a phase of compassion.
Have a blessed day each and every one! Grateful for all of you!
xo
Lesson 32
Unobstructed feeling embraces ALL THAT arises and passes away. Unobstructed means without judgment.
I am embracing the sadness that I have been experiencing lately as I hear thru the grapevine my daughter is getting close to having her baby; my grandson. Real close.
I have seen her twice since her pregnancy and that hurts my heart. I know with all my heart this is all in Divine Order, however, that does not takes away days I feel a deep sense of sadness. I miss her and I have missed not sharing in her pregnancy!
So, as I sat in the silence this a.m., I embraced my sadness and feeling of loss. I embraced my daughter as she goes thru her journey; I even held my S-I-L in the Light and remembered they are both finding their own way on the journey of Life. They are innocent.
The judgment of this whole situation seems to be seizing; which is good! I seem to be entering into a phase of compassion.
Have a blessed day each and every one! Grateful for all of you!
xo
Replies
I hear your sadness for being excluded, and your processing all your feelings. Blessings to your grief period.
Thank-you Rich. This has been so very difficult for me because I don\'t understand what is going on; I have to trust the Universe does. Thank-you for caring! xo
Holding you in a ray of light. Sending you little prayers and a big hug.
I wonder if it would help you to think of circumstances when pregnancy becomes \'selfishness\'.....that not even considering you, or friends, or relatives...your daughters journey (full of mistakes) is her own? Mine was like this. There might seem to be people around your daughter but you know your love is special...maybe she can\'t accept it yet but will soon? I know it hurts you and send you my prayers, love and thoughts. I will light a candle for you as you send love to her. You are a brave, strong woman. Xxxx
The trip to San Antonio stirred many feelings. My sis and brother-in-law are new grandparents to a 51/2 month old baby boy; he is such a joy to them and he was a great joy to me. I fell in love with him and had a really nice visit with my niece (his Mom) also.
After I returned home, I got caught up in \'thought\'....I will be 65 in July; my parents died at 70 and 71. Am I even going to get to enjoy my grandchild! Anyway, that has passed; the dying part anyway.
I really thought (expectation!!!!) after I extended the olive branch to my daughter a few months ago and we enjoyed lunch together, things would change. Not. Then after I shared the shower with her life-long friend, attended the shower, I thought things would be different (expectation!!!!) Not! She was kind when we met for lunch and she was kind at the shower, but nothing since.
I am better at letting go of expectations, but I guess I am not there totally!
Maybe I never will be when it comes to she and I.
There\'s actually part of me that is angry at her. All this is a guessing game in my head as there has never been an explanation as to why she cut off ties with me.
I have been pretty good over these past nine months, but like I said, spending time with my great-nephew and seeing the joy a baby brings everyone, it set me back.
I will continue to do my work; I will continue to work on staying in the moment and not get caught up in the future and honor all my feelings.
In the meantime, I really appreciate all the prayers I can get!
Thanks everyone!
xo
My parents recently sent me a random email. It didn\'t even address my name or say anything about missing me and they didn\'t even sign it. I was perplexed and said to DH \"this is no way to try and have a relationship\"... DH said \"Your idea of a relationship doesn\'t seem to be the same at all as your parents\".... It\'s true. The \"change\" they might be looking for is not the \"change\" I would be looking for. So at some point I had to stop guilting myself, projecting anger and accept things as they are. I have to do the same with my daughter. I would like a whole heck of a lot from my daughter than I will ever get and there is not one darn thing I can do about it. All I can do is accept what she has to give. I imagine that on the flip side of this, there is something more she wants from me which I have never been able to give and that will never change. So it really comes down to... Her issues are about her and mine are about mine and I have to keep that clear with myself. All that being said, I don\'t have a baby grandchild on the way and I cannot even imagine the heartbreak that must bring. I can only send you my hugs and my prayers on that. Do reach out to her on occasion... Even if it means rejection... If you haven\'t heard from her in a while and miss her, and same goes with the baby, send her a simple text to say \"I love you\". That\'s what I do. No sane and logical person can fault you for that. I\'m sure you\'re just expressing your pain as you work through it and maybe all this blabbering I am doing is not necessary... I just relate to it so strongly. From both you and your daughter\'s point of view.
Typos everywhere. Sorry about that.
One last thing. I recently read a book with my book club. The mother of the main character reminded me quite a bit of myself. I saw her as a good mother, despite her mistakes. It was so clear she loved her daughter dearly. The daughter, the main character, knew how much her mother loved her. She loved her mother deeply... But she stayed away from her... It had nothing at all to do with the mother. It was because the daughter made choices the mother had spent her whole life trying to get the daughter to avoid and the daughter couldn\'t face her mother for it... Even though the mother was kind and tried not to judge... I\'m blabbering again. But the scenario in this book reminded me of my daughter and myself.
I am typing faster than I can think. Just thought I would share this perspective as I found it insightful.
Thank-you Lisa! xo
Was tired last night, so I didn\'t want to respond. The book sounds a lot like my situation Lisa and I get that Erin\'s stuff is about her and my stuff is about me. I get acceptance of it all! I get it is all in Divine Order. I get this is her journey. I get all of it intellectually and metaphysically. It\'s just sometimes my heart overrides the intellect. When that happens, I must sit with it and allow it and realize Love is what I want. I must honor those feelings as when I do, they seem to dissipate; I think this action is loving myself unconditionally. When I do this for me, I then can \'wake-up\' AGAIN and do it for Erin also.
There is a story of the Buddha\'s son dying and the Buddha is crying uncontrollable. A student says to the Master \"Why do you cry? You teach us everything is life, including death, is an illusion.?\" \"Yes, says the Buddha, but this is the greatest illusion of all!\"
I get that, but there are times when I am once again vulnerable and feel \'broken wide open.\' It doesn\'t last long as I DO truly believe this truly is all in Divine Order. I must feel the loss and the sadness when it comes up because (for me) if I don\'t it keeps the Light away that I am seeking.
I have text Erin a few times and done just what you said. She usually responds with a \"I love you too!\" And...I do not doubt that one bit.
I just miss her!
Thank-you Lisa for sharing...I appreciate it much!Thank-you everyone for you support and Love!
Now...I am going to go finish an afghan I am making for my grandson! :-)
xo