My visit with life-ling friends was two-fold. They have known my daughter since she was born and I never bothered to go into detail about my daughter's last episode with getting divorced/re-married, and her asking to have no communication with me. Well, I had to share yesterday as there were questions like "how is Erin doing, are you excited to be a grandma; there's nothing like it, etc."
This morning I awoke really sad/crying. After yesterday and seeing a sonogram of my grandson on FB the other day, I cannot deny the feelings of many things. Part of me is sad, part of me is so glad for her being pregnant I can't stand it as she has always wanted it so desperately; part of me feels resentful of the way she has put me out of her life without explaining why; part of me resents not being part of her pregnancy; etc.
On a spiritual note, part of me is proud of the way I have honoured her wishes, part of me knows there is always something bigger going on, part of me knows it is not me in charge of anything! I know all things always work together for good, but right now, I have to honor where I am. Part of me honors her for her courage to not see me if that's what she wants; I know I will probably see differently once I allow myself this moment in time; but right now....!!!
This morning I sense the hardest part for me is I feel like my daughter has died; and in a sense she has died to me. I remember beautiful wonderful times and I grieve that may never be again. I remember fights, arguments, tears, laughter, joy, smiles, comforting her, etc. There's so many memories flooding my heart right now.
Too much to write...need to go sit in the silence!
xo
Vicki
This morning I awoke really sad/crying. After yesterday and seeing a sonogram of my grandson on FB the other day, I cannot deny the feelings of many things. Part of me is sad, part of me is so glad for her being pregnant I can't stand it as she has always wanted it so desperately; part of me feels resentful of the way she has put me out of her life without explaining why; part of me resents not being part of her pregnancy; etc.
On a spiritual note, part of me is proud of the way I have honoured her wishes, part of me knows there is always something bigger going on, part of me knows it is not me in charge of anything! I know all things always work together for good, but right now, I have to honor where I am. Part of me honors her for her courage to not see me if that's what she wants; I know I will probably see differently once I allow myself this moment in time; but right now....!!!
This morning I sense the hardest part for me is I feel like my daughter has died; and in a sense she has died to me. I remember beautiful wonderful times and I grieve that may never be again. I remember fights, arguments, tears, laughter, joy, smiles, comforting her, etc. There's so many memories flooding my heart right now.
Too much to write...need to go sit in the silence!
xo
Vicki
Replies
With you.
xx
Sending you lots of lover Vicki. I think this will all come good and right now there road your daughter is following for her own reasons...I know you know and respect this. She will come back...just when she is ready xxxx
I know she will Rosie. But boy this morning was rough! I got thru it by allowing my feelings and once again asking Spirit to help me trust the process! Thank-you Rosie!
xo
Hugszzz & Blessings.
Thank-you Rich!
I understand your feelings that your daughter has \"died\". I have certainly experienced this feeling. I can tell that you are allowing yourself to grieve and I do believe there will be something new and good on the other side of that grief.
I do too! We\'ll see what the Universe brings. I am so much better; the memories shared with my friends were actually great memories; I will cherish them. I love my daughter; she\'s such a good person. She is where she is and I am working on accepting that. My friends Mike and Terri talked about coming to the hospital and seeing Erin (they had no children at that time) and how they kind of took over as Aunt Te-Te and Uncle Mikey. Very touching.
Thanks Lisa! xo