I was just thinking how lucky I really am to have the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I was so angry when I realized I was an alcoholic. I thought having an eating disorder was bad enough. I never knew an alcoholic growing up, it's not in my family. My mom is/was an overeater so I understood that I was taught to use food in place of feelings. But alcoholic? I thought what the hell did I do to deserve this? I'm a pretty good person, everyone sais I'm kind and caring, wtf? My low self esteem told me I was bad, I was deserving of punishment, and God wouldn't help me. Well, today I know better. Through AA, I've learned acceptance. Today, I can think of little children in the hospital with diseases. What did they do to deserve that? Nothing. Everybody just has something. God isn't punishing us, He doesn't want bad things to happen either. He wants us to be happy. I look at my daughter now and I know that God loves me as much as I love her, times 100. I'm lucky I have a disease I can do something about. In addition, I get a program which helps me not only stay away from alcohol one day at a time, but I get to help others as well. I have a place where I can go to and talk about my feelings. A place where everyone is equal, open, and honest. A place where grown men cry. A place that is real. Real people who if seen on the street I would have no clue they're alcoholics. People who look like they have it all together. People who are smiling, real smiles. Wow, all my life I was about fake. Look great on the outside but falling apart on the inside. Don't let anyone get too close because then they will see the real me. In AA, I can be me, the real me, the only me. No one judges, and everyone understands. You don't get this on the street. People put on appearances all over the place. It's hard to make friends that way. It's hard to walk among and not feel lesser than because we're comparing our insides to other people's outsides. The whole world would benefit from a program like AA. Angry I was an alcoholic, yes. Grateful recovering alcoholic today? You betcha!!
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You are awesome.
hi thats what i call gratatude ,thatswhat i m a gratfull alcoholic ,Tday for me i except life on lifes tearms ,i dont always like it but i have acceptance ,i dont feel less then ,and have not done for a long time ,i have a right to be here to day as long as i do the best i can on a daily basis,my sponcer said to me ,it isnt easy but it is simply ,i feel good when i go to AA and i say im an alcoholic ,i have been given so much ,and try the best i can to help others ,that are where i was ,although i am ok just for today i also know i am one drink away from a drunk xxx
insresting i don\'t if you read my journal from the other day but we sound alot alike, but your addutiude is much better. your also so ahead of me. i was given a altamatium this weekend, quit drinking or i\'m out. i\'m so scared and don\'t know what, were, or how to do anything about this. so if you could give me some advice or help in anyway i would be so greatfull. oh and the pic of your daughter is agian adoreable. she\'s so lucky to have a momma like you. lots of LV sweetie 500SL.