My Birthday

Hey Sweetie,
Even though I haven't written in a while, you are always on my mind.
I think about you all the time Kenny, but there are some days that
I miss you even more. And today was one of those days. Today is
my birthday, and I am 57 years old. Every birthday, you would ask
what do you want me to cook for you? And I usually would say,
whatever you feel like cooking. You would always make something
really special for me. And we would have my mom come over and
eat with us. Everyone envied me for being married to a Chef.
And I of course enjoyed being married to a Chef as well.
But there was so much more about you that made me feel like
I had been blessed with this man that truly loved me.
My last marriage had messed me up mentally and physically.
Because of the mental and physical abuse I had been through,
I really felt like I was Nothing. I thought I was stupid, ugly, never
would amount to anything. Because I had been told this over and
over for years. Then God blessed me when he brought you in my
life. It took quite a bit of time for me to start believing that I was
a strong person. And I wasn't stupid,and you taught me how to
use the computer,and I immediately want to learn and improve
myself. You always told me that I was pretty,and I was special.
You always took care of me. You held me when I was weak, you
wiped my tears when I doubted myself. You would lift my head
and say Baby I love you,and everything will be alright. And in
time I started to believe you,and I found what true love was
being with you.
You made me to be a strong and loving woman.
When you got sick, it was the first time I had to learn how to
do things on my own. Every time I felt scared or lost to what
to do, I would look at you,and I would think, I can do this.
And I did learn how to take care of you. Some times I would
go in another room and cry,because it was so hard seeing
you so weak,and now you had the tears coming down ,
scared of what was going to happen to you and to me.
I would pray to God to give me the right words to be able
to comfort you. I assured you that you were going to be
alright. I think it was too hard for me to accept that you
weren't going to make it. You would say to me, honey
you are doing such a good job in taking care of me. I
wanted so much for you to feel comfortable under my
care. And you made feel like I was handling every thing
so good. When you got so much sicker so fast,and I
finally had to accept that you weren't going to make it
very much longer, I just wanted to scream, why did I
finally meet this wonderful man that I adored and he
adored me had to go. I know all the doctors and everyone
did all they could to help you. I don't blame anyone. And
I guess God needed you in Heaven,he must of had somethng
really important that he needed you to do there. I think you
would be proud of me,and sometimes I think I can feel
you smiling at me, and saying " That's My Girl". I will always
be your girl Kenny, no matter what the future holds for me.
As I close this journal, I want to thank you for giving me the
opportunity to love and be loved. Other wise I don't if I would
have ever know what true love really was. I love you and
miss you so much baby. I will be with you again when God
feels it is the time. And the next time I do see you, you won't
be in pain,and you will have that smile on your face again, that
I loved so much.
Good Night Honey,
Your Girl for ever,
Dee Dee